It has been a very tiring day and I was really exhausted from work. As usual, when I got home, I logged in first to check if there are any comments in any of my posts or any emails from anyone who happened to read my blog while my mum is watching the series of soap opera in the tele. I was lucky enough to have a few comments and so I decided to reply. Honestly, replies and comments in this page really makes me feel that someone is listening… and it is really important for me since I can’t openly talk about my feelings about my condition to anyone.

As I was typing my reply, I noticed that some of the letters in the keyboard were wet. Unknowingly, I was crying. Not again?!? I don’t know but I’m really too emotional this past few days, maybe this is one of the symptoms. =( What triggered my tears to start falling? It was a song from the soap opera, Rubi.

Pansin mo ba ang pagbabago
Di matitigan ang iyong mga mata
Tila di na nananabik
sayong yakap at halik

These lines really struck me. I felt like he was talking to me, explaining, trying to make it easy. Yes, he… babe.

Sana’y malaman mo
Hindi sinsadya
kung ang nais ko ay
maging malaya

Di lang ikaw
Di lang ikaw ang nahihirapan
Damdamin ko rin ay naguguluhan

Di lang ikaw
Di lang ikaw ang nababahala
Bulong ng isip, wag kang pakawalan
Ngunit Puso ko, ay kailangan kang iwan

The song continued and as the song reach it’s climax, same goes for my tears. I was so affected. I just want to turn the tv off but doesn’t have to strength to do so. I feel like he was just at my back, whispering every line of the song. Actually I really think he is behind me… am I…hallucinating?

The scene from the soap opera stopped and so the song did. I’m happy that it did, at least I could already stop crying… but also a part of me wishes for it to still continue… I still want to hear him whisper… even though it really hurts… what he is trying to say…I think I’m starting to go insane… hopefully not.


10 Responses to “Rubi”

  1. Kanta ni Regine yan ah?! Actually ako rin, tinatamaan sa kantang ‘yan.

    Hoy! Tamana ang pagiging emo, okay?!!!!

    Alam kong mahirap hindi maging emo, pero, labanan mo ‘yan, baka yan pa ang ikamatay mo. Tandaan, nakaka baba ng CD4 count ang depression, dahil, nakakahina ito ng katawan di ba? So maapetuhan talaga immune system mo. Alrighty?

    Sige na, smile na. Isipin mo na lang na kapag hindi ka na emo at ngumiti ka… tataas CD4 count mo!

    Sige na, I hate to know a fellow “course-mate” na nalulungkot. Ako nga ehto inaatake ng kalungkutan, pero sige pa rin, ngitti lang. Buhay pa tayo at may mga pangarap pa tayong maabot at aabutin! Mahirap maging maasaya lalo na sa kalagayan natin, pero kailangan. This is part of our battle.

    Okay? Marami kaming kapwa mong may ganitong condition, marami tayo, sinusubaybayan natin ang isa’t isa sa mga blogs natin…. kahit papaano, nakakaramay kami, tayo sa isa’t isa.

    kaya sige na, hindi ka nag-iisa. Ngitit na.


  2. Lightbolt Says:

    Change the soundtrack of yer life ^^

    Try this one! ^.___________.^

    Just Dance by Jamiroquai

    Verse 1
    You know this boogie is for real
    I used to put my faith in worship
    But then my chance feels just too heaven sent
    I used to worry about the future
    But now I throw my caution to the wi-i-i-ind

    Verse 2
    I had no reason to be carefree
    No, no, no
    Until I took a trip to the other side of town
    Yeah, yeah, yeah
    You know I heard that boogie rhythm, hey!
    I had no choice but to get down, down, down, down

    Dance! Whooo!
    Nothing left for me to do but dance
    All these bad times I’m going through
    Just dance!
    Got canned heat in my heels tonight, baby…
    Whoooooo ohhh

    Verse 3
    I feel the thunder, see the lightning
    I know this anger’s heaven sent
    So I’ve gotta hang out on my hang-ups
    ‘Cos on my boogie I feel so hell-bent hey, hey
    It’s just an instant gut reaction, that I got
    I know I’ve never ever felt like this before
    I don’t know what to do
    But then that is nothing new
    Stuck between hell and high water, me I’ll kill to make it through, hey!

    Dance, yeah
    Nothing left for me to do but dance!
    All these bad times I’m going through
    Just dance! hey
    Got canned heat in my heels tonight, baby…

    You know this boogie is for real, gal

    So much canned heat in my heals, yeah
    Gonna dance, gonna dance my blues away tonight
    You know I�m gonna dance my blues away
    You know this boogie is for real, gal
    So much canned heat in my heals, yeah
    Gonna dance, gonna dance my blu-u-u-es awa-a-a-y toni-i-i-ght

    Dance! Whooo!
    Nothing left for me to do but dance
    All these bad times I’m going through
    Just dance
    Got canned heat in my heels tonight, baby

    Dance, yeah
    Oh the nasty things that people say
    Dance, yeah
    But I�m gonna make it anyway
    Dance, yeah
    Canned heat in my heals tonight, baby

    You know that this boogie is for real
    Got so much canned heat in my heals
    Gonna dance, gonna dance my blues away tonight

    You know, you know this boogie, this boogie is for real


    I can only imagine what you and your “course-mates” go through but then I keep reading over and over… YOU have the option to live as NORMAL as possible!

    NORMAL days aren’t spent on negative vibes and emotions alone?

    I do agree that depression only creates more toxins and releases free radicals that damage your cells (Ang freshness!? Gwapo ka pa din naman ^^)

    • Thanks Lightbolt… I’m always a happy person naman, talagang nagiging unsually emo ako this past few days… hehe. I’ll listen to the song, thank you.

      Baka maniwala sila nyan na pogi ako… hahahaha… ehem!

  3. @Lightbolt: I know and I love that song! I love Jamiroquai! I have been listening to him since 2005. Glad to know that someone here listens to him too. If you look at my blog you may sense a punk-rocker-emo type of guy, but I do listen to a lot of different music genres, except pop.

  4. @canonista and lightbolt…

    mine is Virtual Insanity! I fell inlove with Jamiroquai when I saw that video.

  5. Lightbolt Says:

    @ Lucky and Canonista

    I remember the virtual insanity MTV ^^ I only know 2 of his songs. My fave is Just Dance because it is a “happy song” and it’s part of the choreo of BodyJam at the gym hehehe

  6. @Lucky and Lightbolt: My favorites are: Love Foolosophy, Canned Heat, Virtual Insanity, Runawat, and Too Young To Die.

    @JunJUn: Listen to those songs, nice yung mga yun.

  7. @ possie swerte nmn ni babe….haysss… i wish i cud do sumthing…

    pls leave me a message to my fb……antay ko po ah………

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