Archive for August, 2010

Promotion

Posted in Personal, pozzie life, thoughts with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , on August 31, 2010 by iamhivpositive

I messed up. I screwed it up. I failed. Epic fail. I think this is going to be another of my down falls this year… I just let an opportunity for me to be promoted pass… =(

Almost 2 months ago, 2 of my lovely office mates decided to resign and look for a better opportunity with other companies. Although it’s sad that they are leaving, it has opened 2 a new door for growth for us, their assistants. After 2 weeks, the position was opened and so 3 assistants applied, including me.

I can say that I am a strong contender as I am the most tenured in the position, thus making me the more experienced one. I am actually assuming the position already as I am, most of the time, doing what our bosses were doing. So without hesitation, I updated my resume and submitted it.

After 2 weeks of waiting, we were given our schedules for the interview. Monday at 2pm is my interview and Tuesday at 230pm will be for my 15 minute presentation. After accepting the meeting request in my outlook, my heart started pounding. I suddenly became nervous. I am really bad with interviews, the last 2 interviews I had, I totally screwed it up and of course, I was not successful. I immediately booked meeting requests for mock interview with some of my bosses. I will definitely need some help with this.

Now it’s time for me to think of what will I teach them for my demo. It has to be something new according to the invitation that they sent us. And since I am into yoga lately, I decided to teach them office yoga. I know I am just a beginner and needs to be trained before doing it, but c’mon, this is just a 15 minute presentation so I told myself, why not! And there I was, studying and making a power point presentation about office yoga.

The day of our interview arrived and I was at first, not nervous. But I noticed that time seems to run so fast and with it, the beat of my heart started to join its rhythm.In a few blinks, it was already 2pm and off I was to the venue of my interview. The interview started and honestly, some of the questions, I find it easy to answer but the others, I was really lost. Epic fail!

The next day came and it was time for my presentation. I was more nervous this day than yesterday. But there I was… trying to be conceal the nervousness that I was feeling. I felt like luck was really trying to play with me because before I start my presentation, I experienced some technical problems like there was no internet connection in the PC, my presentation not playing and the video attached to my presentation is not showing!!!! As I flick my presentation from 1 slide to the next one, the more that my heart is beating so loud, my knees started to shake and my sweat starting to fall. There was even a time where in I don’t know what I’m saying anymore because I just hear my heart beat. For the first time after a long time, I got scared with presenting in front of people…

I went out of the room not satisfied with what I did… and I know they was able to feel it… this is more than just a promotion to me…this is a fight that I want to end up winning because it’s one way of me telling HIV that “hey! even though you’re inside me, I am still good!, I can still get promoted!” shallow right? But it means a lot to me….
the results will be given tomorrow… wish me luck?

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An Invitation – YOGA LOCA

Posted in etc, friends, Medical, Personal, pozzie life with tags , , , , , , on August 27, 2010 by iamhivpositive

Hi,

You ready to Yoga with your Tanga? ^__^

I am inviting you guys to join YOGA LOCA… it is the YOGA for the FABULOUSLY GAY, and the GAY FABULOUS!

If you are interested… please feel free to contact the number in the poster….

Thank you!

xoxo,
JunJun

54!

Posted in Medical, Personal, pozzie life, thoughts with tags , , , , , , , , , , on August 22, 2010 by iamhivpositive

Sad, I trailed my way going to the SAGIP clinic of PGH. While walking there were a lot of flash backs in my head. Memories from 4 months ago… memories that I now have to fully let go.

I arrived 5 minutes before 1pm which is my check up schedule. I decided to put my back my happy mood since I have to let my doctor know that I’m doing fine. I knocked in the usual closed door of the small rectangular room. No one answered so I tried to open it, the small reception or nurse’s table was empty so I decided to open it a bit more. There was a girl, say early 30’s who was on the second cubicle and looked at me.

JunJun: Asan po yung nurse?
Lady: Ah, wala pa e… magwait na lang daw…

I thanked the lady and closed the door. I decided to wait outside and I texted my doctor informing him I was already outside. He replied back saying that I could come in and wait there instead. I went back to the clinic and took the visitor’s chair in front of the nurse’s desk. Dr. D suddenly popped out from the 2nd cubicle and asked me to go there. He asked me how I was and if I was living healthy and I told him everything that I have been doing. He was satisfied, I can say he was also happy hearing my happy stories.

He then took the weighing scale and prompt me to weigh myself and check my gain weight progress. I was soo excited and I even bragged that I gained weight. I told him he would be surprised. I carefully stepped on the machine and a little while, the number was clear… it’s 54. Yes, I am 54 kilos only. hahahaha. Dr. D smiled.

Dr. D: sige nga, tingnan natin kung nag-gain ka talaga…

He took a folder with my name on it, check my lab results until he found what he was looking for. My previous check up files. He smiled. Then said, it’s also 54!

I realized…

Posted in etc, lovelife, Music, Personal, pozzie life with tags , , , , , , , on August 16, 2010 by iamhivpositive

Met up with babe awhile ago for lunch before I head to SAGIP for my check up… I told him a lot of happy stories that is happening to me… to let him know there’s no need to worry and that I am fine… I asked him how he was… he told me he is now seeing someone new… I smiled… at first, it didn’t hurt… but as we go our separate ways… the pain started eating my heart…

(For some reason, the video is not loading so I’ll just post the lyrics of the song…)

It never crossed my mind at all
That’s what I tell myself
What we had has come and gone
You’re better off with someone else
It’s for the best, I know it is
But I see you
Sometimes I try to hide
What I feel inside

And I turn around
You’re with him now
I just can’t figure it out

Tell me why
You’re so hard to forget
Don’t remind me
I’m not over it
Tell me why
I can’t seem to face the truth
I’m just a little too not over you
(eh eh eh oh eh eh eh)
Not over you
(eh eh eh oh eh eh eh)

Memories
Supposed to fade
What’s wrong with my heart?
Shake it off, let it go
Didn’t think it be this hard
Should be strong
Moving on
But I see you
Sometimes I try to hide
What I feel inside

And I turn around
You’re with him now
I just can’t figure it out

Tell me why
You’re so hard to forget
Don’t remind me
I’m not over it
Tell me why
I can’t seem to face the truth
I’m just a little too not over you

Maybe I regret
Everything I said
No way to take it all back, yeah
Now I’m on my own
How I let you go
I’ll never understand
I’ll never understand
Yeah, oooh, oooh, oooh
Oooooooh
Oh
Ooooh, oh

Tell me why
You’re so hard to forget
Don’t remind me
I’m not over it
Tell me why
I can’t seem to face the truth
I’m just a little too not over you

Tell me why
You’re so hard to forget
Don’t remind me
I’m not over it
Tell me why
I can’t seem to face the truth
And I really don’t know what to do

I’m just a little too not over you
(eh eh eh oh eh eh eh)
Not over you
(eh eh eh oh eh eh eh)

Tooth Story 2

Posted in Medical, Personal, pozzie life, thoughts with tags , , , , , , , on August 16, 2010 by iamhivpositive

The day has finally come.  I decided to finally conquer my fear and face my dentist.  Besides the fact that I really need my teeth to be cleaned, I am also already itching to change the rubbers in brackets as it has been almost 3 months since the last time they changed it when it is supposed to be changed monthly.  Eeew? I know!

I remembered that my dentist scheduled me for a tooth extraction for my next visit and so If I’m going, it means that I’m going to have it now.  Gosh! My blood started rushing… yes, I was nervous.  Ever since I was young, I never went to a dentist to have my tooth extracted, I always just wait for it to fall off. hahaha.

My mom invited me for an early lunch and I decided to go with her first.  Yes, a free meal will really help before I start my soft diet adventure once again.   She asked me where would I like to eat and I ushered her to a restaurant where they serve unlimited rice.  Hell yes, I need unlimited rice!  I need to be full tanked before they adjust my brackets and just eat soup for 3 days.  I can’t afford to be like that when at the same time I’m taking my supplements which boosts my appetite.

After my free lunch with mum, I took a cab and when to my dentist’s clinic.  I arrived at 1145am, yes!  I arrived early means less waiting.  But when I got in the patients waiting area, my killer smile vanished.  There were like more than 20 patients before me! OMG!

After almost 2 hours of waiting, my name was called.  During those 2 hours, my heart did not stop in pounding so fast and I think the beating trebled as I approach my dentist.  My dentist smiled and asked me if I am ready for the extraction.  I just smiled.  I guess she noticed my nervousness that’s why she placed her hand where my heart is and smiled.

dentist: naku, di pwede yang ganyan…

JunJun: kinakabahan po ako e….

dentist: well, kailangan matangal na natin yan para sa next adjustment mo, mas madaling makakapwesto ung teeth mo sa harap…

JunJun: (smiled)

dentist: oh well, balik ka na lang next week for the extraction basta kailangan before your next adjustment wala na yan… alright? laksan mo lang ang loob mo, at ihanda mo yung sarili mo…

JunJun: opo… (relieved)

dentist: so for now, cleaning na lang muna tayo pero ill add rubbers that will pull your teeth backwards para maalign sa nasa baba…

The procedure was finished in no time and now, I’m still adjusting to the rubber pulling my upper teeth backwards… it’s quite painful actually… =)

Stretched

Posted in etc, Medical, Personal, pozzie life, thoughts with tags , , , , , , on August 8, 2010 by iamhivpositive

Last Saturday’s yoga session, for me, was really rejuvenating!  Yes, it was.

I arrived in the venue just in time before the class started, I was only at home for the whole day so I feel really up and perky to attend yoga class today.  I need some stretching. heheh.

A girl welcomed me in the venue, it was my first time to see her there.  She was slender, nice skin, bit tan… she looks pleasant… she looks very accomodating and nice… maybe this is Mr. Yogi’s partner instructor, so let’s call her Ms. Yogini.  She introduced herself and I also introduced myself.  She went inside the room and so was I after removing my shoes.  There were a few people inside the room already, some were changing to their yoga clothes and some were stretching. 

Mr. Yogi saw me and gave me a tight hug.  That felt nice, I really love hugging and for me it is a really nice gesture.  I immediately changed my clothes and sat in the matt.  I tried stretching for a little bit though I was a bit concious since I’m not really a pro in yoga. hehe.

“Doc” went to my matt and sat with me then told me stories about the last yoga session that they had, as you know I only attend the Saturday sesssion since I’m still in the office whenever they start yoga in Ortigas.  I really like it when he comes and sit with me in my matt… and slowly, one by one, mr. yogi and b.i.t.c.h also went to my matt, sat with us and exchanged stories.  It’s like my matt is always the hang out matt, and I like it. hehehe.

After a few more minutes, everyone went back to their matts and the session started.  Ms. yogi started the session by sharing something to us, something about what we are about to do, it is something about non violence.  Then followed by the breathing excercise and the poses.  I was really sweating as in OA sweating all through out the session.   Maybe because I was really concentrated and focused.  I really need this… I told myself and so I did my best to be perfect at it, if not atleast almost perfect.

This session really has gotten into me, I really felt every pain was worth it.  Every stretch was as if I am reaching for my happiness.  Every drop of sweat was like every pain and worries that I was slowly letting go…

I am really happy that I attended this last week’s session, not that I didn’t like the other that I attended in the past but this one really made me feel different, made me more one with my soul, made me more stronger physically….

I am definitely looking forward to the next session… I will give the same enthusiasm, focus and concentration like what I did the last time… now, that I experienced it myself why it is called YOGA FOR LIFE…

Catch Up!

Posted in etc, Personal, pozzie life, thoughts with tags , , , , , , on August 5, 2010 by iamhivpositive

You must be wondering how I was this past few days as I have not been updating any entries lately… Well, let me update you…

First, I’m in heat.  Yes, I’m horny.  It’s just 2 weeks ago when I started feeling it again.  I don’t feel satisfied with my hand anymore. lol.

I remember a conversation that I had with GM.  I told him that I am confident that I can just be satisfied with my hand.  I was planning to DIY it for a very long time as I am scared to have a physical contact with someone.  But I think I’m going to eat my words… I don’t think I can still hold it for any longer. 

I am nervous. 

2 of my officemates resigned from our office and so their positions are being opened to us, their juniors.  I am the most tenured in our group so I think I am expected to apply, actually, I want to apply.  However, as the interview and the presentation comes closer, I feel more nervous.  What if I don’t get the post?  Oh my, I think I will cry for 3 days and go to work with a cover in my face.  I think that will be quite shameful since I am considered to be the most experienced one… I think. lol.

I moved on.

It has been 3 months already, since babe and I broke up.  Meaning, we are free to date again since we already gotten through the “3 month break up rule”.  Well, I haven’t heard anything from him lately and vice versa.  I think we both know that we both need space from each other.  I just really hope that he is happy.

I am… inspired?

Someone is making me smile this past few days.  Not because he is telling me jokes but because he makes my heart wiggle. lol.  I don’t want to assume anything and I don’t want to rush things so I am enjoying everything.  Besides, it will still be 2 years from now before we see each other.  Yes, you read it right, I only know/seen him through pictures.  But it’s not a big deal, I think I can wait. So, if you read this, let wait ah? hehehe. 

That’s it for now… I’ll be updating you again soon…

xoxo,

JunJun