Archive for September, 2010

Late!

Posted in etc, lovelife, Personal, pozzie life, thoughts with tags , , , , , on September 29, 2010 by iamhivpositive

I woke up early that Saturday even though I went home late that night. My eyes were still hurting and I’m really struggling to open them. I felt like I have a headache due to lack of sleep, I was also dizzy. I looked for my phone and check the time from there, it was 645am. I don’t know what woke me up but I can’t manage to go back to sleep so there’s no option but to wake up. Even though my eyes were revolting, I forced myself to go to the sink and wash my face. The cold water from the faucet somehow sparked my still sleeping consciousness.

I don’t have anything to do that day but just to attend the class after lunch. Usually, the thought of attending the class jazzes me up but because of the dizziness, I feel otherwise. As lunch is fastly approaching, I felt lazier… and lazier… until I realized that “he” might also be attending the class today. That thought made me jump off my feet and start moving. First agenda, pedicure! My toe nails are too long already and it starting to look nasty so I decided to visit my pedicurist. My toes has too look their best as there is a chance that he might sit beside me this time and might see my toes. Hehehe… though I know that it’s not even a guarantee that he will attend the class today, I have to be ready.

After lunch, I went to Makati earlier than I used to and just decided to wait there until the class starts. I was sitting on the couch outside the room while listening to Good Girls Go Bad. One by one, participants started arriving until we were about to start. I can’t stop myself from searching the room and looking at the door… waiting if he is going to arrive. And when we were about to start, there he was, rushing through the door.

I sighed… then smiled.

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Disappointed

Posted in etc, Personal, pozzie life, thoughts, work with tags , , , , , , , on September 28, 2010 by iamhivpositive

This past few days, I really feel like lady luck is running away from me… yes, I always almost catch her, but then again she always escapes… how come?

Last Thursday was supposedly a very happy day for my wallet. Yes, it was our pay day and not just an ordinary pay day but it is a bonus pay day. Everyone from our team was really happy and excited that we started making plans on how to spend our “hard-work-earned” incentive after shift. We were planning to go out and have some coffee and maybe eat in a fancy restaurant. The mood in the office was really festive!

Usually, our pay becomes credited into our bank accounts around 4pm… 8pm is the latest. Curious on how much my pay is, I tried to check it online… after searching the banks site using google, I was on my way in finding it out with just a few clicks! After typing in all the necessary information, I finally clicked the “submit” button, closed my eyes, and prepared myself to be surprised…and I was surprised. The much anticipated bonus was missing! It’s not there. I doubled check it and still it gives me the same amount. My jaw dropped. It’s the time of the month were we need to pay our bills! Oh my God! (I know I might sound OA to some of you, but I’m just an average earner and a bonus would really get me far… lol)

I asked my officemates to check theirs as well and slowly, the happy mood in the office disappeared. We tried asking our boss what went wrong, but to our dismay, his explanation didn’t really satisfy our disappointed hearts… Since we cannot do anything about it anymore, slowly one by one took their phones and cancelled their scheduled night outs, I even went home immediately instead of having coffee with some of my friends. I also cancelled my appointment wit the dentist as I was major major unhappy.

I am unhappy not just because I didn’t get the bonus… I felt that we were given a false hope… I was unhappy because I had to cancel all my plans… If our expectation were just properly managed then we could’ve prepared… For sure, last Thurs & Fri, my CD4 dropped because of stress which actually continued the whole weekend…

I promised myself that starting Monday of this week, I will be happy and attract only positive vibes… but….

The Newcomer

Posted in etc, lovelife, Personal, pozzie life with tags , , , , , , on September 23, 2010 by iamhivpositive

Rain drops started to fall from the sky one by one. I can almost hear every drop from the outside. In a few minutes, we are going to start and I’m preparing myself for this session. I closed my eyes and started to listen to my breathing…

In less than a minute after starting what I’m doing, I noticed that suddenly it became dark and can’t help but open my eyes. The ray of light from the door that usually touches my face during practice was covered by a silhouette of 2 people hugging. It was the teachers and a new comer. After their tight hug, the new comer scanned the room quickly with his eyes and caught mine. I smiled. It was my way of saying “welcome” to the class… I didn’t know if he smiled back as I got embarrassed and looked away. I felt my blood rushed to my face… was I red? I was…blushing.

And so the class started and all through out I was distracted. I wasn’t able to concentrate that day. How can this stranger have this effect on me? Why do I startle when I feel that he looks in my direction? My mind was a chaos… my heart was happy. I feel like my heart is being tickled. A tickle that unconsciously makes me smile and for sure anyone who would see me would think that I’m crazy.

I tried to get my head straight on… I think the teacher noticed my distraction that he goes to where I am and corrects what I’m doing. I didn’t mind him correcting me… I need it. I need someone to tell me to focus. Focus on what I’m doing and not focus on what he is doing. “FOCUS!” I told myself.

After almost 2 hours of sweating our butts off, we were ready to call it a day. I went to the loo and change my clothes. While changing, I stopped and looked in the mirror for awhile, I smiled. After almost 5 months, here I am… crushing over someone again… I continued with packing my stuff and after I finished I went out and wore my shoes. When everyone was ready, we all left together… while walking someone tapped my back, I wondered who it was and when I look back, it was him…

Petition to Replenish Global Fund – repost from “moving on from 46479”

Posted in Medical, Personal, pozzie life with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , on September 21, 2010 by iamhivpositive

if you are taking advantage of the free ARVs in the philippines or would like to take advantage of it when your CD4 falls below 500, then we need your help.

the world leaders are meeting up in new york, usa on oct 4-5, 2010 to announce their financial contributions to the Global Fund to fight AIDS, tuberculosis and malaria for the next three years.

in order to maintain, accelerate and effectively implement its programs, Global Fund needs usd20 billion.

we need to ensure that the world leaders uphold their promises to provide treatment and care to the millions living with and/or affected by HIV and AIDS, tuberculosis and malaria. let them know that we are watching them. let us demand that they commit the usd20 billion needed by Global Fund.

show them that we care for the millions who will die without the Global Fund programs. do this by following the link and signing the petition.

http://www.globalfundreplenishment.org/sign-on-letter/

please send it to your friends, families, colleagues and networks and encourage them to sign up too.

500,000 signatures are need by thursday, sept 30, 2010!

the petition will be delivered to world leaders at the Replenishment Meeting, and is one of a number of actions that will be occurring around the world in the lead up to the meeting.

for more information on how your participation will make a difference, go to http://www.globalfundreplenishment.org.

Crush

Posted in etc, lovelife, Personal, pozzie life, thoughts with tags , , , , on September 19, 2010 by iamhivpositive

I feel like I’m a teenager all over again…

Do you remember when you had a crush with someone at school?
When you try your best not to mess up whenever your crush around? When you try to hide your face when he smiles at you for him not to see your blushing?
When you always make an effort to look good to leave a nice impression?
When you make sure to read a lot so that you have something to talk about when he starts a conversation with you?
When you can’t sleep at night thinking what is he doing?
When you get kilig whenever he texts you?
and get sad when it’s the opposite…
When you ask that person a lot of questions about him to make sure you know every bit of information?
When you always smile out of nowhere when you think of that person?
When you are soo inspired to study/work because your happy?
When you are always soo looking forward to that day that you are going to see him….

haaayy…

Posted in etc, Personal, thoughts with tags , , , , , , , , , , on September 16, 2010 by iamhivpositive

Dear September,

I don’t know what’s with you this year that almost every night I feel alone and empty… Since you came, I started looking for a hug when I get home from someone I love….an arms to embrace me every night while I’m sleeping… and a face that I will see dreaming whenever I open my eyes in the morning… you make me feel sooo single… and in a sad way…

I’m not in a rush to look for someone new… It’s not very long ago when someone did this with me… to me… and although it would be nice to feel that same wonderful feeling, this time I’m taking it real slow… not just because I’m being careful not to get hurt but also because I’m in a different situation now… yes, I have an extra baggage that I don’t know if anyone will be able to accept it… accept me wholeheartedly…

The rain adds to my loneliness… it makes the mood more blue… makes me wish that someone is with me under the blankets cuddling whilst sipping coffee or watching tv… why do you make feel this way September?

Every night as I close my eyes in the middle of emptiness… I’m hoping that someone would wake me up… Can you just wake me up when September ends?

Bored

Posted in etc, Personal, pozzie life, thoughts with tags , , , , , on September 15, 2010 by iamhivpositive

I clicked add new entry without anything in mind to write. Honestly, I feel like my HIV life is starting to get a little bit boring. Actually, looking back, the last 4-5 years of my life is actually boring… until I found out I am HIV positive.

Let me update you on what is happening in my boring pozzie life…

Weekdays:
1. I wake up early and watch TV
2. I go to work and sometimes get stressed
3. I go home and watch TV again until I fall asleep

Weekends:
1. I wake up early and watch TV
2. Watch some more TV
3. Eat Lunch
4. Yoga for Life – only on Saturdays
5. Go home
6. Eat Dinner
7. Watch TV
8. Sleep

No wonder why I’m starting to get bored… Only Saturday excites me because of Yoga for Life… attending Yoga for Life means, more relaxation and stronger immune system and lately, means seeing my crush. Yes, you read it right… hehehe.

So as you can see, your not missing too much about me as there is nothing I’ve been up to lately… oh I remember, I already visited my dentist a few weekends back and still, I didn’t have my tooth extracted… I was… scared… lol. But besides that, your up to date!

Till next time!

xoxo,
Junjun