Date anyone? lol.

Posted in etc, lovelife, Personal, pozzie life, thoughts with tags , , , , , , , , , on October 22, 2010 by iamhivpositive

I was having dinner with a friend one Sunday evening at Kitchen in Greenbelt when suddenly a cute couple went inside the restaurant. Both of us looked at them with envy and followed them with our gaze until they were able to sit comfortably in one of the tables. We looked at each other and smiled. It was very obvious in our faces that we were envious, we both sighed and talked about why were still in the market.

Don’t get me wrong, I think being single is really fun. You get to do all the things you want to do… You get to go wherever you want to go… You get to flirt with all the guys who looks at you… and most of all you get to sleep with anyone you like… =) However, whether we admit it or not, there are really those nights wherein you just really wish that someone is waiting for you at home… that someone would just hug you after a rough day in the office, someone who would make tampo and make pasuyo… in short, someone to be with…. A partner…

Going back to my story, my friend and I started to talk about what we are looking for in a guy. I told my friend that he is very picky/choosy thus he is still single in his age, he’s already in his late 30’s… I think? Hehehe. He went into several dates lately and no matter how much of a good catch his date is, he always sees the flaws… or sometimes, it’s the other way around.

However in my case, I always go for the short cut… wala nang ligaw ligaw… if you like me, I like you… then tayo na… hahahaha. Wag nang patagalin… ;p though most of the time, since I am attracted to the more serious one’s… they are more into the getting to know each other first thing… and I don’t have anything against that… it’s for the better din naman. I’m very easy to please din naman kasi, as long as the person showers me with attention and makes me feel special, I’m yours… easy.. but I ain’t cheap. Lol. So sometimes I reflect on the dates that I had… the things that I did or said… because most of the time, I don’t get the second call… or end up as a friend… maybe I’m just really a friend material… and with that, I think I need some dating tips… anyone? ;p

Someone asked me, now that you’re a pozzie, nagbago ba yung mga gusto mo sa isang guy? Bumaba ba yung standards mo? I smiled. I don’t think na purket your sick is that you have to settle for the less… the more that you deserve the best right? And the best would be someone who would never judge you and will accept you pozzie or not… standards? Preferences? Qualifications? It will always be there… never naman talaga sigurong mawawala yun… did my preferences change? Maybe… I added something to the list and that is someone who understands, educated and accepting…

My friend’s sudden movement brought me back to the real word… I looked around and we’re still at Kitchen. My friend laughed at me and told me that I was day dreaming… he then challenged me that I should have a boyfriend by November… I laughed…

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23

Posted in etc, Personal, pozzie life, thoughts with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , on October 8, 2010 by iamhivpositive

The countdown started… 27 days to go before my birthday. Yep, I’m turning 23 in a few weeks time and I’m HIV positive.

This year has been very eventful… I dated a lot of guys, had lots of sex, met a lot of wonderful guys, fell in love, was in a relationship thinking, finding out I have genital warts, being admitted in the hospital alone, went under the knife 2x to have the warts removed, found out I have HIV, learned yoga, learned to love myself more now and so on and so on…

A lot of people will be disappointed if ever they knew that in the age of 22, I’m already a pozzie. Some people might even stay away from me and judge me because of it. But right now, I don’t care. Not that I’m proud of it, but I know myself… and I fully accept the new me. And I know the real story… I’m turning 1 year older and I’m stronger, more optimistic and has a lot of love to give… and with that, I believe that is more that just being a young adult living with HIV… it makes me… me…

My trainees asks me, what do I want to happen in my next year… I answered with strong and healthy body, happiness, peace and serenity… corny no? Maybe if they asked me last year I would say, I want to have a laptop, the latest gadget, a car, a fat savings account, lots of boys, a hot boyfriend… not that I don’t want it anymore, let’s just say my priorities changed… I changed…

This year has taught me a lot of lessons in life… and I learned it in a very hard way… I stumbled this year, stumbled really bad, but as cliche as it may sound, it doesn’t matter how hard you hit the ground, it’s how you stand up and try to walk again that would define you as a man…

Again, a few weeks from now, im turning 23… and I have HIV…

Frogs

Posted in etc, lovelife, Personal, pozzie life, thoughts with tags , , , , , on October 3, 2010 by iamhivpositive

A friend told me once, “he is just one of those frogs that you have to kiss before you find your prince…” when he told me that before, I laughed. I never really considered my love life as a fairytale story. Not that I’m not into fairy tales, in fact I love Little Mermaid! hehehe.

Anyways, the reason why I’m making this entry is because of “crush”…

Yep, you got it right… it’s not a happy ending….

One lazy day, I saw him online and decided to chat with him. He was game with chatting with me even though he didn’t have much sleep. We talked about random things until I can’t help but flirt with him. His replies were not dismissing so I continued pestering him. Our conversation went so well that I ended up confessing that I have a crush on him. He was surprised. I wondered why he was surprised… I think I was really obvious that I was crushing on him…. hahahah… he then told me that actually he finds me cute and that he likes me. Yey! And that made my day.

After that, we started exchanging text messages for almost everyday. Before we sleep and when we wake up, even though we don’t really have anything to talk about. I guess we were both excited with what we are starting to have.

Friday that week, my officemates decided to have dinner near his workplace. Knowing that he is at work during that time, I informed him that I was in the area and we decided to meet up during his break. I was excited. This is the first time that I am going to be able to actually talk to him in person. hehehe.

It was almost half past twelve when he arrived in the coffee shop. The first few minutes was awkward but I decided to just keep on talking to break the ice. Eventually, he started to loosen up a bit though there were still silent moments. After an hour of talking we decided to leave the shop. As you can see, nothing really special happened, there was no “spark”. I think.

I honestly feel that he didn’t like me, but when I asked him, he said we’re good. So I thought, it was ok. We continued to text and chat but this time, something changed already. He was not as perky as before, he would always say he was sleepy and tired. From there, I had the idea that he is really not into me anymore and that maybe he is just trying to be polite… and with that thought, I minimised my pestering until I finally asked him and he confirmed my conclusions…

Overall, I’m a bit sad about how it ended… but it was ok. Again, it was just a crush… In the other hand, I am also happy since we can still be friends… we already shared quite a lot of information to each other which I think can be a good foundation of our future friendship… hehehe… Right now, I think it will be quite awkward once I see him again in class but I know we will get over it… hehe

So just to sum it all up, he is one of those frogs that I had to kiss for me to find my real prince… where could he be? hehehe.

Late!

Posted in etc, lovelife, Personal, pozzie life, thoughts with tags , , , , , on September 29, 2010 by iamhivpositive

I woke up early that Saturday even though I went home late that night. My eyes were still hurting and I’m really struggling to open them. I felt like I have a headache due to lack of sleep, I was also dizzy. I looked for my phone and check the time from there, it was 645am. I don’t know what woke me up but I can’t manage to go back to sleep so there’s no option but to wake up. Even though my eyes were revolting, I forced myself to go to the sink and wash my face. The cold water from the faucet somehow sparked my still sleeping consciousness.

I don’t have anything to do that day but just to attend the class after lunch. Usually, the thought of attending the class jazzes me up but because of the dizziness, I feel otherwise. As lunch is fastly approaching, I felt lazier… and lazier… until I realized that “he” might also be attending the class today. That thought made me jump off my feet and start moving. First agenda, pedicure! My toe nails are too long already and it starting to look nasty so I decided to visit my pedicurist. My toes has too look their best as there is a chance that he might sit beside me this time and might see my toes. Hehehe… though I know that it’s not even a guarantee that he will attend the class today, I have to be ready.

After lunch, I went to Makati earlier than I used to and just decided to wait there until the class starts. I was sitting on the couch outside the room while listening to Good Girls Go Bad. One by one, participants started arriving until we were about to start. I can’t stop myself from searching the room and looking at the door… waiting if he is going to arrive. And when we were about to start, there he was, rushing through the door.

I sighed… then smiled.

Disappointed

Posted in etc, Personal, pozzie life, thoughts, work with tags , , , , , , , on September 28, 2010 by iamhivpositive

This past few days, I really feel like lady luck is running away from me… yes, I always almost catch her, but then again she always escapes… how come?

Last Thursday was supposedly a very happy day for my wallet. Yes, it was our pay day and not just an ordinary pay day but it is a bonus pay day. Everyone from our team was really happy and excited that we started making plans on how to spend our “hard-work-earned” incentive after shift. We were planning to go out and have some coffee and maybe eat in a fancy restaurant. The mood in the office was really festive!

Usually, our pay becomes credited into our bank accounts around 4pm… 8pm is the latest. Curious on how much my pay is, I tried to check it online… after searching the banks site using google, I was on my way in finding it out with just a few clicks! After typing in all the necessary information, I finally clicked the “submit” button, closed my eyes, and prepared myself to be surprised…and I was surprised. The much anticipated bonus was missing! It’s not there. I doubled check it and still it gives me the same amount. My jaw dropped. It’s the time of the month were we need to pay our bills! Oh my God! (I know I might sound OA to some of you, but I’m just an average earner and a bonus would really get me far… lol)

I asked my officemates to check theirs as well and slowly, the happy mood in the office disappeared. We tried asking our boss what went wrong, but to our dismay, his explanation didn’t really satisfy our disappointed hearts… Since we cannot do anything about it anymore, slowly one by one took their phones and cancelled their scheduled night outs, I even went home immediately instead of having coffee with some of my friends. I also cancelled my appointment wit the dentist as I was major major unhappy.

I am unhappy not just because I didn’t get the bonus… I felt that we were given a false hope… I was unhappy because I had to cancel all my plans… If our expectation were just properly managed then we could’ve prepared… For sure, last Thurs & Fri, my CD4 dropped because of stress which actually continued the whole weekend…

I promised myself that starting Monday of this week, I will be happy and attract only positive vibes… but….

The Newcomer

Posted in etc, lovelife, Personal, pozzie life with tags , , , , , , on September 23, 2010 by iamhivpositive

Rain drops started to fall from the sky one by one. I can almost hear every drop from the outside. In a few minutes, we are going to start and I’m preparing myself for this session. I closed my eyes and started to listen to my breathing…

In less than a minute after starting what I’m doing, I noticed that suddenly it became dark and can’t help but open my eyes. The ray of light from the door that usually touches my face during practice was covered by a silhouette of 2 people hugging. It was the teachers and a new comer. After their tight hug, the new comer scanned the room quickly with his eyes and caught mine. I smiled. It was my way of saying “welcome” to the class… I didn’t know if he smiled back as I got embarrassed and looked away. I felt my blood rushed to my face… was I red? I was…blushing.

And so the class started and all through out I was distracted. I wasn’t able to concentrate that day. How can this stranger have this effect on me? Why do I startle when I feel that he looks in my direction? My mind was a chaos… my heart was happy. I feel like my heart is being tickled. A tickle that unconsciously makes me smile and for sure anyone who would see me would think that I’m crazy.

I tried to get my head straight on… I think the teacher noticed my distraction that he goes to where I am and corrects what I’m doing. I didn’t mind him correcting me… I need it. I need someone to tell me to focus. Focus on what I’m doing and not focus on what he is doing. “FOCUS!” I told myself.

After almost 2 hours of sweating our butts off, we were ready to call it a day. I went to the loo and change my clothes. While changing, I stopped and looked in the mirror for awhile, I smiled. After almost 5 months, here I am… crushing over someone again… I continued with packing my stuff and after I finished I went out and wore my shoes. When everyone was ready, we all left together… while walking someone tapped my back, I wondered who it was and when I look back, it was him…

Petition to Replenish Global Fund – repost from “moving on from 46479”

Posted in Medical, Personal, pozzie life with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , on September 21, 2010 by iamhivpositive

if you are taking advantage of the free ARVs in the philippines or would like to take advantage of it when your CD4 falls below 500, then we need your help.

the world leaders are meeting up in new york, usa on oct 4-5, 2010 to announce their financial contributions to the Global Fund to fight AIDS, tuberculosis and malaria for the next three years.

in order to maintain, accelerate and effectively implement its programs, Global Fund needs usd20 billion.

we need to ensure that the world leaders uphold their promises to provide treatment and care to the millions living with and/or affected by HIV and AIDS, tuberculosis and malaria. let them know that we are watching them. let us demand that they commit the usd20 billion needed by Global Fund.

show them that we care for the millions who will die without the Global Fund programs. do this by following the link and signing the petition.

http://www.globalfundreplenishment.org/sign-on-letter/

please send it to your friends, families, colleagues and networks and encourage them to sign up too.

500,000 signatures are need by thursday, sept 30, 2010!

the petition will be delivered to world leaders at the Replenishment Meeting, and is one of a number of actions that will be occurring around the world in the lead up to the meeting.

for more information on how your participation will make a difference, go to http://www.globalfundreplenishment.org.