Crush

Posted in etc, lovelife, Personal, pozzie life, thoughts with tags , , , , on September 19, 2010 by iamhivpositive

I feel like I’m a teenager all over again…

Do you remember when you had a crush with someone at school?
When you try your best not to mess up whenever your crush around? When you try to hide your face when he smiles at you for him not to see your blushing?
When you always make an effort to look good to leave a nice impression?
When you make sure to read a lot so that you have something to talk about when he starts a conversation with you?
When you can’t sleep at night thinking what is he doing?
When you get kilig whenever he texts you?
and get sad when it’s the opposite…
When you ask that person a lot of questions about him to make sure you know every bit of information?
When you always smile out of nowhere when you think of that person?
When you are soo inspired to study/work because your happy?
When you are always soo looking forward to that day that you are going to see him….

haaayy…

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Posted in etc, Personal, thoughts with tags , , , , , , , , , , on September 16, 2010 by iamhivpositive

Dear September,

I don’t know what’s with you this year that almost every night I feel alone and empty… Since you came, I started looking for a hug when I get home from someone I love….an arms to embrace me every night while I’m sleeping… and a face that I will see dreaming whenever I open my eyes in the morning… you make me feel sooo single… and in a sad way…

I’m not in a rush to look for someone new… It’s not very long ago when someone did this with me… to me… and although it would be nice to feel that same wonderful feeling, this time I’m taking it real slow… not just because I’m being careful not to get hurt but also because I’m in a different situation now… yes, I have an extra baggage that I don’t know if anyone will be able to accept it… accept me wholeheartedly…

The rain adds to my loneliness… it makes the mood more blue… makes me wish that someone is with me under the blankets cuddling whilst sipping coffee or watching tv… why do you make feel this way September?

Every night as I close my eyes in the middle of emptiness… I’m hoping that someone would wake me up… Can you just wake me up when September ends?

Bored

Posted in etc, Personal, pozzie life, thoughts with tags , , , , , on September 15, 2010 by iamhivpositive

I clicked add new entry without anything in mind to write. Honestly, I feel like my HIV life is starting to get a little bit boring. Actually, looking back, the last 4-5 years of my life is actually boring… until I found out I am HIV positive.

Let me update you on what is happening in my boring pozzie life…

Weekdays:
1. I wake up early and watch TV
2. I go to work and sometimes get stressed
3. I go home and watch TV again until I fall asleep

Weekends:
1. I wake up early and watch TV
2. Watch some more TV
3. Eat Lunch
4. Yoga for Life – only on Saturdays
5. Go home
6. Eat Dinner
7. Watch TV
8. Sleep

No wonder why I’m starting to get bored… Only Saturday excites me because of Yoga for Life… attending Yoga for Life means, more relaxation and stronger immune system and lately, means seeing my crush. Yes, you read it right… hehehe.

So as you can see, your not missing too much about me as there is nothing I’ve been up to lately… oh I remember, I already visited my dentist a few weekends back and still, I didn’t have my tooth extracted… I was… scared… lol. But besides that, your up to date!

Till next time!

xoxo,
Junjun

Glee Theme Song

Posted in etc, Music, pozzie life, thoughts with tags , , , , , , , on September 3, 2010 by iamhivpositive

So this morning as I was surfing the net, I decided to log in to facebook. Nowadays, I mean, who doesn’t? hehe. Anyways, since I am an avid fan of the US musical series, GLEE, (again, who isn’t?) I liked their fan page. I was directed to a link that says “find out the glee theme song of your life!” so since I don’t have anything to do, I tried it.

In the homepage, I was asked if I want to find it out on my own or if I want Sue Sylvester to find it out for me since she is always right anyways. However, I want to find it out on my own so I took the quiz. I ended up picking the “Lady is a Tramp” by Puck. errrmm… I wasn’t satisfied though I like puck. Isn’t he just hot? hehe.

Out of curiosity, I went back to the homepage and tried what Sue will pick for me… of course, I know that it’s not really Sue who will pick it, but hey, why don’t I give it a try… I’m bored anyways…

So anyways, here is the song that Sue picked for me…

I guess…That’s how Sue C’s it!

The Promotion – Results

Posted in etc, Personal, pozzie life, thoughts with tags , , , , , , on September 1, 2010 by iamhivpositive

Neither of you got it… we feel that both of you are not ready yet based on your interviews and your presentation… both ____ and ____ will talk to you one by one and will tell you what you need to work on for the next three months before we open the position again and evaluate you….

It went so fast. The next thing I know was I am in a room with 4 other people. In front of me was our Manager, then 2 of my bosses who helped him conduct the interview. On my left side was one of my colleague who was also aspiring to get the position. He was also shocked.

In a blink of an eye, I am again in a different room with one of my bosses. She is currently my mentor and she is telling me why I didn’t end up getting promoted. She is telling me a lot of things but only 3 words can sum it all up…. I’M NOT READY!!!!

I’m disappointed with myself. I am really sad. But after hearing these words, I felt upset. They think I’m not ready? I’ve been in this department for almost 4 years now… there were times in the past that even, they, themselves, told me that all I need is the title because I am soooo ready already… I’ve assumed the position a lot of times before, whenever we lack manpower and they would need someone to step up…. and then now, I’m not ready? Bitter eh? This are the reasoning I have showered in my head whilst she was talking to me. Until I can’t help it and voice it out.

Mentor: I was also like you before remember? I’ve been in this department for ages and was rejected a lot of times…

Junjun: (just nodded) I just can’t accept that I’m not ready, c’mon… you guys now me… you now how I work…

Mentor: yep, we know… but in a interview, you should always think that the interviewers doesn’t know you… you have to tell them your accomplishments or answer their questions in complete details even though they know it…

JunJun: Well… yeah…

I was really hurt… I became quiet. I reflected on what I did. I was nervous. I was nervous all throughout this whole process… with the interview… the presentation… I was nervous. If I failed, I am also the reason. Yesterday, I actually thought that I’m gonna get it, then how come I’m upset about my application being deferred for 3 months? I’m being childish. It’s not bad after all… I just have to prepare again for the next interview and presentation…

I’m sad yes… but I’m also challenged this time…

Promotion

Posted in Personal, pozzie life, thoughts with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , on August 31, 2010 by iamhivpositive

I messed up. I screwed it up. I failed. Epic fail. I think this is going to be another of my down falls this year… I just let an opportunity for me to be promoted pass… =(

Almost 2 months ago, 2 of my lovely office mates decided to resign and look for a better opportunity with other companies. Although it’s sad that they are leaving, it has opened 2 a new door for growth for us, their assistants. After 2 weeks, the position was opened and so 3 assistants applied, including me.

I can say that I am a strong contender as I am the most tenured in the position, thus making me the more experienced one. I am actually assuming the position already as I am, most of the time, doing what our bosses were doing. So without hesitation, I updated my resume and submitted it.

After 2 weeks of waiting, we were given our schedules for the interview. Monday at 2pm is my interview and Tuesday at 230pm will be for my 15 minute presentation. After accepting the meeting request in my outlook, my heart started pounding. I suddenly became nervous. I am really bad with interviews, the last 2 interviews I had, I totally screwed it up and of course, I was not successful. I immediately booked meeting requests for mock interview with some of my bosses. I will definitely need some help with this.

Now it’s time for me to think of what will I teach them for my demo. It has to be something new according to the invitation that they sent us. And since I am into yoga lately, I decided to teach them office yoga. I know I am just a beginner and needs to be trained before doing it, but c’mon, this is just a 15 minute presentation so I told myself, why not! And there I was, studying and making a power point presentation about office yoga.

The day of our interview arrived and I was at first, not nervous. But I noticed that time seems to run so fast and with it, the beat of my heart started to join its rhythm.In a few blinks, it was already 2pm and off I was to the venue of my interview. The interview started and honestly, some of the questions, I find it easy to answer but the others, I was really lost. Epic fail!

The next day came and it was time for my presentation. I was more nervous this day than yesterday. But there I was… trying to be conceal the nervousness that I was feeling. I felt like luck was really trying to play with me because before I start my presentation, I experienced some technical problems like there was no internet connection in the PC, my presentation not playing and the video attached to my presentation is not showing!!!! As I flick my presentation from 1 slide to the next one, the more that my heart is beating so loud, my knees started to shake and my sweat starting to fall. There was even a time where in I don’t know what I’m saying anymore because I just hear my heart beat. For the first time after a long time, I got scared with presenting in front of people…

I went out of the room not satisfied with what I did… and I know they was able to feel it… this is more than just a promotion to me…this is a fight that I want to end up winning because it’s one way of me telling HIV that “hey! even though you’re inside me, I am still good!, I can still get promoted!” shallow right? But it means a lot to me….
the results will be given tomorrow… wish me luck?

An Invitation – YOGA LOCA

Posted in etc, friends, Medical, Personal, pozzie life with tags , , , , , , on August 27, 2010 by iamhivpositive

Hi,

You ready to Yoga with your Tanga? ^__^

I am inviting you guys to join YOGA LOCA… it is the YOGA for the FABULOUSLY GAY, and the GAY FABULOUS!

If you are interested… please feel free to contact the number in the poster….

Thank you!

xoxo,
JunJun