Archive for heart

Sa Parking Lot

Posted in lovelife, Personal, pozzie life, thoughts with tags , , , , , , , on November 24, 2010 by iamhivpositive

Tanga. Yan siguro ang tawag sakin dahil gagawin ko ang gagawin ko ngayon.

Lahat ay handa ng umalis at naghihintay na lang ng elevator pababa. Medjo maliit lang ang elevator sa gusaling yaon kaya’t di lahat ay nakasakay sa unang elevator na nagbukas. Kaming dalawa ay nakabilang sa mga naunang nakasaky. Tahimik lang ang lahat marahil ay pagod o di kaya ay wala lang talagang mapagusapan. Isa isang nagbabaan sa iba’t ibang palapag ang iba pa naming kasama hangga’t sa kaming dalawa na lang ang natira sa loob. Ilang sandali pa at muling bumukas ang elevator at kami ay lumabas na rin mula rito.

Inimbitahan niya ako na sumabay na lang sa kanya at ihahatid niya ako sa pinakamalapit na sakayan dahil malakas ang ulan sa labas. Tumanggi pa ako nung una dahil sa tingin ko naman ay titila naman din ang ulan. Ngunit medyo mapilit siya at ako ay tuluyan nang di nakatanggi.

Sa tingin ko ay pansin nya ang malamig kong pakikitungo sa kanya nung araw nay un. Tanghali pa lang ay magkasama na kami at simula’t sa pol ng magkasama kami nung araw na yun, ako’y medyo ilag na talaga sa kanya.

“Is there something wrong?” Tanong niya sakin habang kami ay nanananghalian.
“Nothing… I’m just not in the mood… don’t mind me… mawawala din to…”

Pero sa totoo lang, nung mga oras ding yun, unti unti ko nang binubuo ang aking magiging “piece” sa kanya. Paano ko kaya sasabihin ng hindi siya masyadong masasaktan o hindi niya maiisip na ang taas naman ng tingin ko sa sarili ko?

Sumakay kami sa kanyang sasakyan. Sabi niya dun na lang daw kami mag-intay para mas malamig at makaupo kami ng maayos. Ito na. Ito na ang tamang timing na hinihintay ko. Ngayon ko na sasabihin sa kanya. Tinangka niyang hawakan ang aking kamay ngunit nagkunwari ako na di ko ito napapansin. Siya ay biglang nagakmang ako ay aakbayan ngunit di ko na napigil ang aking sarili at ako ay medjo napaangil.

“Ei, wag ka muna makulit please… medyo irritable ako ngayon e… snappy ba… sorry”

Ok lang ang kanyang maikling sagot at siya ay biglang natihimik. Tiningnan ko siya. Base sa kanyang reaksyon, alam kong siya ay naiinis na din sa aking pakikitungo sa kanya nuong araw na iyon.

“Ano ba talaga ang problema? Ilabas mo na… para hindi ka na mabad mood…”

At doon na ako nagsimula…

Sinubukan kong ipaliwanag sa kanya ang aking nararamdaman ngunit di ko ito madiretso.

“Ummm…. Sige… First, I don’t want to mislead you or anything… let’s just enjoy what we have… like, you can go date other people and same goes for me… but if you still want to ask me out, it’s fine… we can go out… I want us to be friends first… mas maganda kasi kapag ganun, I mean, yung foundation ng relationship natin… if ever man na magflourish… kung hindi naman magdevelop into something romantic… atleast we’re friends… ayoko lang magrush… right now, I’m trying… but sana talaga maging friends lang muna tayo… like walang holding hands or kissing… plain friends ba… then we’ll see from there if ever…”, ang mahaba at dire-diretso kong tugon…

“Ok… “ ang kanyang sagot….

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The Ugly Truth

Posted in lovelife, Personal, pozzie life with tags , , , , , , , , , on June 3, 2010 by iamhivpositive

Weekend.  I asked babe if he could go online so that I could help him complete the list of candidates that he is going to vote tomorrow, the election.  Also, I was planning to continue my evil plan, it has been a week and I think that he hasn’t read my email as “dummy”.  He replied positively and said that he will go online once he got home which he did.

After talking about the election, I told him that I’m going to log out already because dinner is ready which he said ok.  I logged back in, this time using the dummy account.  I added him in ym and he immediately accepted it.  I buzzed him and he replied back so quickly.  We talked, me as dummy of course, and introduced ourselves and talked about our lives.  Then I questioned him again about his real intention in keeping his account in Romeo if he really is happy in his relationship.  I thought that he was getting pissed already as there were times where in he didn’t reply.  So, I turned the table and ask him if there is anything that he would want to ask me.  His questions are basically regarding my identity, since I think he is already starting to doubt me.  I thought I was gonna get caught already when he asked me how I was able to find his profile in Romeo but I was able to convince him with my answer. whew!

After a few more talking, I asked him if he would want to meet up with me since I am going to Manila the next day ( I told him I was from Pampanga), which he declined since according to him he is busy.  I was able to breathe that time, since we have plans the next day.  But “dummy” was very persistent.  I teased him.  I told him that if ever that we are going to meet, we could “chill” in my place. I’m sure you know what I mean.  I then asked him if he is a top or a bottom.  He said bottom.  And I replied with “good! cause I’m top” and he replied back with a smiley.  Then I asked him of what he wants do to me if ever that we will be alone in my place.  He replied with a very wholesome answer and that is to talk.  I played with fire some more as I replied back with, “just talk?”.  He replied again with a yes.  Somehow, I was relieved as I’m happy with his answers.  But I pushed it a little bit more, I asked him again on what he would want to do to me as I want to get jiggy with him.  He then replied with a very shocking answer.  “I want to suck your nipple and your dick” were his exact words.  My heart fell into the floor.  He followed it up with “I want you to fuck me hard”.  And I died.  I can’t remember the rest of the conversation as I was lost already.  Like what I said, I died.

After a few minutes of shock, I recovered.  I asked him to meet up with me already so we can make our fantasies into reality.  Still his having second thoughts but he told me that his gonna find a way.  Dummy suggested for him to just postpone our date since we still have some other time while Dummy is only going to Manila once and teased him again with the things that they are going to do.  And that made him think.

1am.

I was already sleeping when babe called.  He called to cancel our date because he needs to do something in school before his duty around 4pm which is the time that we are supposed to meet up.  He knows that if it is about school, I would say yes.  But before I said yes, I asked him if it is really worth it to exchange our date with what he is going to do… there was silence and he said yes… my heart was crushed into pieces.  Thats it.  It’s over.

2am.

Babe called again, and this time telling me that we should just push through and that he should put me first before anything else.  But he already cancelled me.  And I know what is the real reason.  So I asked why all of the sudden he can throw whatever it is that he needs to do in school when awhile ago, he said it was soo important that’s why he was cancelling me.  We ended up arguing.  Until we ended up deciding that we should just meet and talk.

3am.

My heart is on the floor.  Crushed into pieces.  Bleeding.  I died.

P.S.

I am so emotional in writing this post.  It is hard to go through this memory all over again.  =(