Archive for hug

When Love Takes Over

Posted in etc, Music with tags , , , , , , , , , on July 15, 2010 by iamhivpositive


Just want to share to you my LSS for tonight… =)

Nope, I’m not inlove or anything… I just like the way the song goes…


Like A Virgin

Posted in etc, lovelife, Personal, pozzie life, sex, thoughts with tags , , , , , , , , , , on July 12, 2010 by iamhivpositive

I don’t know how to start this post but all I want to say is that I’m scared of getting laid again.  Whew! There.  I said it already.

This morning, I was blog hopping (pozzie blogs) when I noticed that there were a few post about their sexcapades, of course it was not written in full details.  I smiled.  I always feel happy whenever I read these posts of them as it makes me “re-believe” that I am normal and that I can still pretty much do what others can do.  But it’s different today… I was more of feeling… envious?

Yes, I think I envy them…. nah, I do envy them…for having sex… of course safe sex….  I don’t know why I’m feeling this when I know that I can do it too… it’s just that I won’t.  I’m scared.  Scared that I might infect other people with what I have even though it’s safe.  I wish I’m like them.  Not that no one asks me to do it but whenever I say yes, it would come to a point where I would get flash backs about my surgery, me finding out I was poz and I would suddenly get scared and back out in the last minute.  Sad thing is, I can’t even explain why I backed out… rude, eh?   I also don’t know if I have to tell my partner (sex partner for that matter) or should I just keep it to myself but would insist in using condoms.    I don’t know, I’m scared…  Actually just writing this post makes me a bit shaky, good thing I don’t have to use a pen or you will not be able to read this.

It has been more or less 6-7 months since the last time I had sex.  Yes, even when babe and I were still together, we didn’t have sex.  We were contented with just cuddling and playing, touching one another but that’s just about it.  Bed time na!  We were both scared that he might get my little friends and during the latter part, HIV… He was even scared of kissing me… I think.

Oh well, that’s why I think it’s becoming an issue to me now.  It has been half a year since the last time.  Me, having no sex life… because I’m a coward.  I know that my helping hand is always ready but I know you know how different it is when you can feel someone else’s body heat.  Haaay….

I envy them.  I really envy them.  I know that I am the only one who can also save my problem since I am the problem.  Me, being scared.  I don’t know until when I will be haunted by these thoughts but until then, I will always feel like a virgin…

A Christmas Carol

Posted in lovelife with tags , , , , , , , , on May 13, 2010 by iamhivpositive

Our first movie date

It was a very lazy evening so I decided to surf the net.  Yes, when I say surf the net, it includes checking gay social networking sites and checking my mails… and males!

Whilst browsing, a pop up box appeared on my screen telling me that I have a new message and if  I want to read it.  Of course, I clicked yes and read through the senders message.  The sender was asking me how was my evening and he also complimented me with my looks. =)  I replied by saying it was a very boring night.   He then replied back by asking me if I want to watch a movie that night.  As bored as I was, I said yes.

We decided to meet up in a shopping centre near our area, it was almost 9’ish and the mall is about to close.  Good thing I was able to arrive in the meeting place before the security of the mall prevents people from coming in.  I waited for a few minutes because the sender was still not there.  After a while, there is this cute chinky tall guy who approached me and if I was —-.  I gave him a smile and I said yes, then followed him to the ticket booth.   While walking, there were lots of things in my mind.  He looks better in person than in the picture.  He is medium built, tall and has a fair complexion.  He also looks well educated.  He asked me what movie do I want to see and I just told him any.  He then suggested if we could watch A Christmas Carol since it is his favourite novel since childhood and of course I agreed.  Since it was already late, we are going to watch the last full show and we still have approximately an hour to spare before the movie starts.

He asked me if I would like to go to his pad first since he lives in the condominium in that mall as well.  I said yes thinking that this will be our chance to do a little bit of hanky panky.  His pad is very cozy, it was very welcoming and calming as far as I can remember.  We sat in the couch and we just chatted, yes, we JUST chatted.  I think it’s because I like him that’s why I don’t want to do things that would turn him off and not ask for a second meet up.  Also, I don’t want for him to think that I’m easy.  Before we went to the cinema again, I decided to atleast give him a hug and it send chills to my spine.

In the cinema, I wasn’t really focusing in the movie, my attention was all in him.  Any slight movement  that he makes, I look at him.  Thinking that he might want to kiss me or hold my hands while watching.  The movie was about to finish by the time that we actually held hands, he looked at me and he smiled.  Again, I felt chills.  When the movie ended,  I decided to go home but he asked me if  I would want to stay in his pad for a few minutes since it was still quite early, it was already 11:30 that time.

Once again, we sat in their couch and talked but this time, our hands are together and we can feel that we are really into each other.   We talked about our lives, our past, what type of guys do we date and so forth.  I decided to leave already when he mentioned that he still has a class the next day and I have work.  I decided to give him a smack on the lips in which he replied.

As I was on the cab going home, I knew that that night, was definitely a good night.