Archive for lovelife

Sparks Missing…

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , on November 15, 2010 by iamhivpositive

I am worried. Yes, I can also say that I was a little bit scared that time. He was driving continuously and just ignores me whenever I ask him about our destination. Until finally, when we stopped because of the stoplight, he looked at me and told me to just trust him…

Honestly, now that it has been days since this incident happened, I don’t really think that he was going to do something bad towards me that night… let’s just say that I was thinking too much that time… I was paranoid…

The road that we are taking started to get steeper and steeper… I felt that we are climbing a mountain… I looked outside of the window and finally, I was able to see some signs from the stores that we are passing by… we are actually heading to Antipolo. Gosh! I never imagined that night that I am going to Antipolo… I just shut my mouth and just continued to wait until we finally reached our destination.

“Dito na tayo…” he said. As he pulled over to an empty space in a car park near the edge of I think is a cliff.

My jaw dropped when I saw the view. I can see the whole city from where I am seating. It was amazing! (Yes, it was my first time to see that kind of sight from Antipolo… I guess you can call me, ignorant…lol).

He started searching something from his pocket and asked me if I have the lighter that we bought from the convenience store. I searched my pockets as well but I wasn’t able to find any. His expression changed and I can see that he was disappointed. He reached for something at the back of his car. It was a cake! I was surprised… I was overwhelmed with all that he prepared for this day. He apologized for missing the lighter, he was supposed to light a candle and will ask me to make a wish. I said it’s all good. It was more than enough. He made this day, special enough… worth remembering.

We stepped out of his car and decided to go to an empty space where we can see the view clearly. It was dark and cold… the cool air from the mountains makes me chill… as I look into the other side, I saw tiny lights from the city… they are so small that they can pass as stars from where I am standing… I took a deep breathe as I am overwhelmed with the view, it was just so… romantic? perfect? … or it was a moment of appreciation… appreciate that I am still alive and was given a chance to see this view… call me drama queen and all… but that’s what I really feel…

He held my hand… and I let him. We appreciated the view together until we decided to head back to the car. Once we were able to sit comfortably again, he started telling me sweet nothings and he’s hoping that we will still be together to celebrate my birthday next year.

Then it struck me. The word – “together”. Yes, that moment, I searched my heart for what I am feeling towards him. I like him alright, he’s nice and very much a boyfriend material… but I didn’t feel any spark. Yes, that elusive spark!

He came closer and with his movement, he was implying that he wanted to kiss me. Right! A kiss! A kiss might bring the spark so I allowed him. As his face comes closer to mine, I closed my eyes and opened my heart… hoping that this will ignite the spark that I need.

His lips were soft and he kissed very sweet. After that, I tried to search my feelings once again… and still there’s nothing… And with that said… I had a dilemma… This is our 2nd date and the 1st date is no different with the 2nd. I didn’t feel any romantic connection…

I looked at him after we kissed and he smiled… a hopeful smile… a smile that I know, will soon be erased once I tell him what I actually feel…

Stars and Spark!

Posted in etc, Personal, pozzie life, thoughts with tags , , , , , , , , , , on November 11, 2010 by iamhivpositive

It was dark and cold… the cool air from the mountains makes me chill… as I look into the other side, I saw tiny lights from the city… they are so small that they can pass as stars from where I am standing… I took a deep breathe as I am overwhelmed with the view, it was just so… romantic? perfect? … or it was a moment of appreciation… appreciate that I am still alive and was given a chance to see this view… call me drama queen and all… but that’s what I really feel…

Earlier…

Slowly, I started to hear noises from the outside… I’m awake. Today is a very special day I told myself, I should make it a good day no matter what. Smiling, I opened my eyes. It was still early to prepare for work so I just decided to stay in the bed. I cuddled with the pillows under my blanket and just embraced the excitement of what’s going to happen that day.

When I finally realized that nothing special is going to happen that day since I didn’t plan anything, I was able to calm myself. I just smiled and started to prepare for work.

At work was nothing special either, though towards the end of my shift, my boss asked our team to head to a fast food chain and eat. Whilst eating, he explained that the reason for the treat was because it’s my special day. I was touched and everyone greeted me. I honestly wanted to cry but they started cracking jokes that stopped my tears from falling…

As the night falls, I waited for a friend who asked me if he could take me out for dinner. He picked me up from the office and as I sat myself on the passenger seat, he handed me a box. He asked me to open it. It was a box full of chocolate. I smiled. I like chocolates! I mean, who doesn’t right? I was touched by his sweetness… we just met 2 weeks ago and I’m surprised by his knowledge about my favourites.

He told me that we are gonna go to a place which can make me happy, I was intrigued. What is it this time? But I was excited, obviously, I think he did a research about me. After parking, he lead me to a sort of like a bazaar but as we come nearer, I hear dogs barking. And as we entered the bazaar my heart melt as I see little puppies… I LOOOVEEE dogs! And he knows it too! He toured me in the bazaar showing me all the cute puppies like he is a tour guide. After which he asked me if I would like to have dinner already and I said yes.

We crossed the street and entered the restaurant just in front of the bazaar. I remember telling him that I like filipino foods maybe the reason why we are eating in one that day. The food was very delicious and again, I was… impressed and touched by all of what he did. When we finished eating… we headed back to the car park and decided to go home.

On our way home, I suddenly felt alarmed and worried… the road that he is taking is not leading south… it’s somewhere else… I started feeling scared… after all of what he did, I don’t know what he is capable of doing… call me paranoid and judgemental or what, but that time, it didn’t really feel right…

he drived fast and it was already late… I don’t know where were going and whenever I ask him, he just tells me to wait…

Date anyone? lol.

Posted in etc, lovelife, Personal, pozzie life, thoughts with tags , , , , , , , , , on October 22, 2010 by iamhivpositive

I was having dinner with a friend one Sunday evening at Kitchen in Greenbelt when suddenly a cute couple went inside the restaurant. Both of us looked at them with envy and followed them with our gaze until they were able to sit comfortably in one of the tables. We looked at each other and smiled. It was very obvious in our faces that we were envious, we both sighed and talked about why were still in the market.

Don’t get me wrong, I think being single is really fun. You get to do all the things you want to do… You get to go wherever you want to go… You get to flirt with all the guys who looks at you… and most of all you get to sleep with anyone you like… =) However, whether we admit it or not, there are really those nights wherein you just really wish that someone is waiting for you at home… that someone would just hug you after a rough day in the office, someone who would make tampo and make pasuyo… in short, someone to be with…. A partner…

Going back to my story, my friend and I started to talk about what we are looking for in a guy. I told my friend that he is very picky/choosy thus he is still single in his age, he’s already in his late 30’s… I think? Hehehe. He went into several dates lately and no matter how much of a good catch his date is, he always sees the flaws… or sometimes, it’s the other way around.

However in my case, I always go for the short cut… wala nang ligaw ligaw… if you like me, I like you… then tayo na… hahahaha. Wag nang patagalin… ;p though most of the time, since I am attracted to the more serious one’s… they are more into the getting to know each other first thing… and I don’t have anything against that… it’s for the better din naman. I’m very easy to please din naman kasi, as long as the person showers me with attention and makes me feel special, I’m yours… easy.. but I ain’t cheap. Lol. So sometimes I reflect on the dates that I had… the things that I did or said… because most of the time, I don’t get the second call… or end up as a friend… maybe I’m just really a friend material… and with that, I think I need some dating tips… anyone? ;p

Someone asked me, now that you’re a pozzie, nagbago ba yung mga gusto mo sa isang guy? Bumaba ba yung standards mo? I smiled. I don’t think na purket your sick is that you have to settle for the less… the more that you deserve the best right? And the best would be someone who would never judge you and will accept you pozzie or not… standards? Preferences? Qualifications? It will always be there… never naman talaga sigurong mawawala yun… did my preferences change? Maybe… I added something to the list and that is someone who understands, educated and accepting…

My friend’s sudden movement brought me back to the real word… I looked around and we’re still at Kitchen. My friend laughed at me and told me that I was day dreaming… he then challenged me that I should have a boyfriend by November… I laughed…

An Invitation – YOGA LOCA

Posted in etc, friends, Medical, Personal, pozzie life with tags , , , , , , on August 27, 2010 by iamhivpositive

Hi,

You ready to Yoga with your Tanga? ^__^

I am inviting you guys to join YOGA LOCA… it is the YOGA for the FABULOUSLY GAY, and the GAY FABULOUS!

If you are interested… please feel free to contact the number in the poster….

Thank you!

xoxo,
JunJun

I realized…

Posted in etc, lovelife, Music, Personal, pozzie life with tags , , , , , , , on August 16, 2010 by iamhivpositive

Met up with babe awhile ago for lunch before I head to SAGIP for my check up… I told him a lot of happy stories that is happening to me… to let him know there’s no need to worry and that I am fine… I asked him how he was… he told me he is now seeing someone new… I smiled… at first, it didn’t hurt… but as we go our separate ways… the pain started eating my heart…

(For some reason, the video is not loading so I’ll just post the lyrics of the song…)

It never crossed my mind at all
That’s what I tell myself
What we had has come and gone
You’re better off with someone else
It’s for the best, I know it is
But I see you
Sometimes I try to hide
What I feel inside

And I turn around
You’re with him now
I just can’t figure it out

Tell me why
You’re so hard to forget
Don’t remind me
I’m not over it
Tell me why
I can’t seem to face the truth
I’m just a little too not over you
(eh eh eh oh eh eh eh)
Not over you
(eh eh eh oh eh eh eh)

Memories
Supposed to fade
What’s wrong with my heart?
Shake it off, let it go
Didn’t think it be this hard
Should be strong
Moving on
But I see you
Sometimes I try to hide
What I feel inside

And I turn around
You’re with him now
I just can’t figure it out

Tell me why
You’re so hard to forget
Don’t remind me
I’m not over it
Tell me why
I can’t seem to face the truth
I’m just a little too not over you

Maybe I regret
Everything I said
No way to take it all back, yeah
Now I’m on my own
How I let you go
I’ll never understand
I’ll never understand
Yeah, oooh, oooh, oooh
Oooooooh
Oh
Ooooh, oh

Tell me why
You’re so hard to forget
Don’t remind me
I’m not over it
Tell me why
I can’t seem to face the truth
I’m just a little too not over you

Tell me why
You’re so hard to forget
Don’t remind me
I’m not over it
Tell me why
I can’t seem to face the truth
And I really don’t know what to do

I’m just a little too not over you
(eh eh eh oh eh eh eh)
Not over you
(eh eh eh oh eh eh eh)

Envy

Posted in etc, friends, Personal, pozzie life, thoughts with tags , , , , , , , on July 20, 2010 by iamhivpositive

I saw a friend in the pantry of our office. He was buying iced tea from the vendo machine when I approached him. Let’s call him, RN, since he is also a registered nurse. As you can see now, most of my friends are in the medical field. We are working in the same company however I think it has been more than a month since I last saw him. I missed him.

There was a very huge smile on his face when he caught my eyes. His eyes were…. twinkling? I can tell he was very happy. Curious unto why the twinkling eyes, I ran towards him. He asked me how I was and why he hasn’t seen me around. I told him I am working in the early mid-shift and so he understand. I asked him about his smile and his blooming aura… he spilled that he is now seeing someone. I smiled. Atlast! This very choosy friend of mine finally decided to exclusively date someone. I asked him for details and as he was happily telling me everything… I felt something else… I was… envious?

The smile on my face disappeared but I tried to put it back. Why am I envious?

My wondering was interupted when he told me to look for the his date’s profile in facebook. I immediately obliged and checked it out since he said he also needs to go back and take calls. I went back to our tiny office and clicked on Mozilla and went straight to facebook. I searched for my friends profile and searched his date from there. He was right, he is cute. They will totally look good together, I am genuinely happy for him. Then, I felt it again. Envy.

I took a deep breath, I am envious because I know that It will take me a long time again before I can date someone. Especially in my condition…. honesty is my no. 1 rule when it comes to relationship or even dating and I think that It will take sometime… or maybe it will never happen…

I took another deep breath and cleared my mind. What am I thinking? Why am I thinking about dating and having a relationship again when I was just got out from one? I smiled. I guess I am just being a pessimist again. I shook my head. I have to be optimist. I know that in the right time, our path’s will cross… he might even be reading this blog right now… ( hahahaha! ) But if it will not happen, it’s ok… I am receiving a lot of love anyways… hehe. I guess I should just be contented with that… right?

If others can wait, so can I… lol.

let’s stay happy… negative vibes away! lol.

When Love Takes Over

Posted in etc, Music with tags , , , , , , , , , on July 15, 2010 by iamhivpositive

Hi,

Just want to share to you my LSS for tonight… =)

Nope, I’m not inlove or anything… I just like the way the song goes…

Goodnight,
xoxo,
JunJun