“Neither of you got it… we feel that both of you are not ready yet based on your interviews and your presentation… both ____ and ____ will talk to you one by one and will tell you what you need to work on for the next three months before we open the position again and evaluate you….”
It went so fast. The next thing I know was I am in a room with 4 other people. In front of me was our Manager, then 2 of my bosses who helped him conduct the interview. On my left side was one of my colleague who was also aspiring to get the position. He was also shocked.
In a blink of an eye, I am again in a different room with one of my bosses. She is currently my mentor and she is telling me why I didn’t end up getting promoted. She is telling me a lot of things but only 3 words can sum it all up…. I’M NOT READY!!!!
I’m disappointed with myself. I am really sad. But after hearing these words, I felt upset. They think I’m not ready? I’ve been in this department for almost 4 years now… there were times in the past that even, they, themselves, told me that all I need is the title because I am soooo ready already… I’ve assumed the position a lot of times before, whenever we lack manpower and they would need someone to step up…. and then now, I’m not ready? Bitter eh? This are the reasoning I have showered in my head whilst she was talking to me. Until I can’t help it and voice it out.
Mentor: I was also like you before remember? I’ve been in this department for ages and was rejected a lot of times…
Junjun: (just nodded) I just can’t accept that I’m not ready, c’mon… you guys now me… you now how I work…
Mentor: yep, we know… but in a interview, you should always think that the interviewers doesn’t know you… you have to tell them your accomplishments or answer their questions in complete details even though they know it…
JunJun: Well… yeah…
I was really hurt… I became quiet. I reflected on what I did. I was nervous. I was nervous all throughout this whole process… with the interview… the presentation… I was nervous. If I failed, I am also the reason. Yesterday, I actually thought that I’m gonna get it, then how come I’m upset about my application being deferred for 3 months? I’m being childish. It’s not bad after all… I just have to prepare again for the next interview and presentation…
I’m sad yes… but I’m also challenged this time…