Archive for relationship

Sparks Missing…

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , on November 15, 2010 by iamhivpositive

I am worried. Yes, I can also say that I was a little bit scared that time. He was driving continuously and just ignores me whenever I ask him about our destination. Until finally, when we stopped because of the stoplight, he looked at me and told me to just trust him…

Honestly, now that it has been days since this incident happened, I don’t really think that he was going to do something bad towards me that night… let’s just say that I was thinking too much that time… I was paranoid…

The road that we are taking started to get steeper and steeper… I felt that we are climbing a mountain… I looked outside of the window and finally, I was able to see some signs from the stores that we are passing by… we are actually heading to Antipolo. Gosh! I never imagined that night that I am going to Antipolo… I just shut my mouth and just continued to wait until we finally reached our destination.

“Dito na tayo…” he said. As he pulled over to an empty space in a car park near the edge of I think is a cliff.

My jaw dropped when I saw the view. I can see the whole city from where I am seating. It was amazing! (Yes, it was my first time to see that kind of sight from Antipolo… I guess you can call me, ignorant…lol).

He started searching something from his pocket and asked me if I have the lighter that we bought from the convenience store. I searched my pockets as well but I wasn’t able to find any. His expression changed and I can see that he was disappointed. He reached for something at the back of his car. It was a cake! I was surprised… I was overwhelmed with all that he prepared for this day. He apologized for missing the lighter, he was supposed to light a candle and will ask me to make a wish. I said it’s all good. It was more than enough. He made this day, special enough… worth remembering.

We stepped out of his car and decided to go to an empty space where we can see the view clearly. It was dark and cold… the cool air from the mountains makes me chill… as I look into the other side, I saw tiny lights from the city… they are so small that they can pass as stars from where I am standing… I took a deep breathe as I am overwhelmed with the view, it was just so… romantic? perfect? … or it was a moment of appreciation… appreciate that I am still alive and was given a chance to see this view… call me drama queen and all… but that’s what I really feel…

He held my hand… and I let him. We appreciated the view together until we decided to head back to the car. Once we were able to sit comfortably again, he started telling me sweet nothings and he’s hoping that we will still be together to celebrate my birthday next year.

Then it struck me. The word – “together”. Yes, that moment, I searched my heart for what I am feeling towards him. I like him alright, he’s nice and very much a boyfriend material… but I didn’t feel any spark. Yes, that elusive spark!

He came closer and with his movement, he was implying that he wanted to kiss me. Right! A kiss! A kiss might bring the spark so I allowed him. As his face comes closer to mine, I closed my eyes and opened my heart… hoping that this will ignite the spark that I need.

His lips were soft and he kissed very sweet. After that, I tried to search my feelings once again… and still there’s nothing… And with that said… I had a dilemma… This is our 2nd date and the 1st date is no different with the 2nd. I didn’t feel any romantic connection…

I looked at him after we kissed and he smiled… a hopeful smile… a smile that I know, will soon be erased once I tell him what I actually feel…

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Stars and Spark!

Posted in etc, Personal, pozzie life, thoughts with tags , , , , , , , , , , on November 11, 2010 by iamhivpositive

It was dark and cold… the cool air from the mountains makes me chill… as I look into the other side, I saw tiny lights from the city… they are so small that they can pass as stars from where I am standing… I took a deep breathe as I am overwhelmed with the view, it was just so… romantic? perfect? … or it was a moment of appreciation… appreciate that I am still alive and was given a chance to see this view… call me drama queen and all… but that’s what I really feel…

Earlier…

Slowly, I started to hear noises from the outside… I’m awake. Today is a very special day I told myself, I should make it a good day no matter what. Smiling, I opened my eyes. It was still early to prepare for work so I just decided to stay in the bed. I cuddled with the pillows under my blanket and just embraced the excitement of what’s going to happen that day.

When I finally realized that nothing special is going to happen that day since I didn’t plan anything, I was able to calm myself. I just smiled and started to prepare for work.

At work was nothing special either, though towards the end of my shift, my boss asked our team to head to a fast food chain and eat. Whilst eating, he explained that the reason for the treat was because it’s my special day. I was touched and everyone greeted me. I honestly wanted to cry but they started cracking jokes that stopped my tears from falling…

As the night falls, I waited for a friend who asked me if he could take me out for dinner. He picked me up from the office and as I sat myself on the passenger seat, he handed me a box. He asked me to open it. It was a box full of chocolate. I smiled. I like chocolates! I mean, who doesn’t right? I was touched by his sweetness… we just met 2 weeks ago and I’m surprised by his knowledge about my favourites.

He told me that we are gonna go to a place which can make me happy, I was intrigued. What is it this time? But I was excited, obviously, I think he did a research about me. After parking, he lead me to a sort of like a bazaar but as we come nearer, I hear dogs barking. And as we entered the bazaar my heart melt as I see little puppies… I LOOOVEEE dogs! And he knows it too! He toured me in the bazaar showing me all the cute puppies like he is a tour guide. After which he asked me if I would like to have dinner already and I said yes.

We crossed the street and entered the restaurant just in front of the bazaar. I remember telling him that I like filipino foods maybe the reason why we are eating in one that day. The food was very delicious and again, I was… impressed and touched by all of what he did. When we finished eating… we headed back to the car park and decided to go home.

On our way home, I suddenly felt alarmed and worried… the road that he is taking is not leading south… it’s somewhere else… I started feeling scared… after all of what he did, I don’t know what he is capable of doing… call me paranoid and judgemental or what, but that time, it didn’t really feel right…

he drived fast and it was already late… I don’t know where were going and whenever I ask him, he just tells me to wait…

Date anyone? lol.

Posted in etc, lovelife, Personal, pozzie life, thoughts with tags , , , , , , , , , on October 22, 2010 by iamhivpositive

I was having dinner with a friend one Sunday evening at Kitchen in Greenbelt when suddenly a cute couple went inside the restaurant. Both of us looked at them with envy and followed them with our gaze until they were able to sit comfortably in one of the tables. We looked at each other and smiled. It was very obvious in our faces that we were envious, we both sighed and talked about why were still in the market.

Don’t get me wrong, I think being single is really fun. You get to do all the things you want to do… You get to go wherever you want to go… You get to flirt with all the guys who looks at you… and most of all you get to sleep with anyone you like… =) However, whether we admit it or not, there are really those nights wherein you just really wish that someone is waiting for you at home… that someone would just hug you after a rough day in the office, someone who would make tampo and make pasuyo… in short, someone to be with…. A partner…

Going back to my story, my friend and I started to talk about what we are looking for in a guy. I told my friend that he is very picky/choosy thus he is still single in his age, he’s already in his late 30’s… I think? Hehehe. He went into several dates lately and no matter how much of a good catch his date is, he always sees the flaws… or sometimes, it’s the other way around.

However in my case, I always go for the short cut… wala nang ligaw ligaw… if you like me, I like you… then tayo na… hahahaha. Wag nang patagalin… ;p though most of the time, since I am attracted to the more serious one’s… they are more into the getting to know each other first thing… and I don’t have anything against that… it’s for the better din naman. I’m very easy to please din naman kasi, as long as the person showers me with attention and makes me feel special, I’m yours… easy.. but I ain’t cheap. Lol. So sometimes I reflect on the dates that I had… the things that I did or said… because most of the time, I don’t get the second call… or end up as a friend… maybe I’m just really a friend material… and with that, I think I need some dating tips… anyone? ;p

Someone asked me, now that you’re a pozzie, nagbago ba yung mga gusto mo sa isang guy? Bumaba ba yung standards mo? I smiled. I don’t think na purket your sick is that you have to settle for the less… the more that you deserve the best right? And the best would be someone who would never judge you and will accept you pozzie or not… standards? Preferences? Qualifications? It will always be there… never naman talaga sigurong mawawala yun… did my preferences change? Maybe… I added something to the list and that is someone who understands, educated and accepting…

My friend’s sudden movement brought me back to the real word… I looked around and we’re still at Kitchen. My friend laughed at me and told me that I was day dreaming… he then challenged me that I should have a boyfriend by November… I laughed…

Frogs

Posted in etc, lovelife, Personal, pozzie life, thoughts with tags , , , , , on October 3, 2010 by iamhivpositive

A friend told me once, “he is just one of those frogs that you have to kiss before you find your prince…” when he told me that before, I laughed. I never really considered my love life as a fairytale story. Not that I’m not into fairy tales, in fact I love Little Mermaid! hehehe.

Anyways, the reason why I’m making this entry is because of “crush”…

Yep, you got it right… it’s not a happy ending….

One lazy day, I saw him online and decided to chat with him. He was game with chatting with me even though he didn’t have much sleep. We talked about random things until I can’t help but flirt with him. His replies were not dismissing so I continued pestering him. Our conversation went so well that I ended up confessing that I have a crush on him. He was surprised. I wondered why he was surprised… I think I was really obvious that I was crushing on him…. hahahah… he then told me that actually he finds me cute and that he likes me. Yey! And that made my day.

After that, we started exchanging text messages for almost everyday. Before we sleep and when we wake up, even though we don’t really have anything to talk about. I guess we were both excited with what we are starting to have.

Friday that week, my officemates decided to have dinner near his workplace. Knowing that he is at work during that time, I informed him that I was in the area and we decided to meet up during his break. I was excited. This is the first time that I am going to be able to actually talk to him in person. hehehe.

It was almost half past twelve when he arrived in the coffee shop. The first few minutes was awkward but I decided to just keep on talking to break the ice. Eventually, he started to loosen up a bit though there were still silent moments. After an hour of talking we decided to leave the shop. As you can see, nothing really special happened, there was no “spark”. I think.

I honestly feel that he didn’t like me, but when I asked him, he said we’re good. So I thought, it was ok. We continued to text and chat but this time, something changed already. He was not as perky as before, he would always say he was sleepy and tired. From there, I had the idea that he is really not into me anymore and that maybe he is just trying to be polite… and with that thought, I minimised my pestering until I finally asked him and he confirmed my conclusions…

Overall, I’m a bit sad about how it ended… but it was ok. Again, it was just a crush… In the other hand, I am also happy since we can still be friends… we already shared quite a lot of information to each other which I think can be a good foundation of our future friendship… hehehe… Right now, I think it will be quite awkward once I see him again in class but I know we will get over it… hehe

So just to sum it all up, he is one of those frogs that I had to kiss for me to find my real prince… where could he be? hehehe.

Late!

Posted in etc, lovelife, Personal, pozzie life, thoughts with tags , , , , , on September 29, 2010 by iamhivpositive

I woke up early that Saturday even though I went home late that night. My eyes were still hurting and I’m really struggling to open them. I felt like I have a headache due to lack of sleep, I was also dizzy. I looked for my phone and check the time from there, it was 645am. I don’t know what woke me up but I can’t manage to go back to sleep so there’s no option but to wake up. Even though my eyes were revolting, I forced myself to go to the sink and wash my face. The cold water from the faucet somehow sparked my still sleeping consciousness.

I don’t have anything to do that day but just to attend the class after lunch. Usually, the thought of attending the class jazzes me up but because of the dizziness, I feel otherwise. As lunch is fastly approaching, I felt lazier… and lazier… until I realized that “he” might also be attending the class today. That thought made me jump off my feet and start moving. First agenda, pedicure! My toe nails are too long already and it starting to look nasty so I decided to visit my pedicurist. My toes has too look their best as there is a chance that he might sit beside me this time and might see my toes. Hehehe… though I know that it’s not even a guarantee that he will attend the class today, I have to be ready.

After lunch, I went to Makati earlier than I used to and just decided to wait there until the class starts. I was sitting on the couch outside the room while listening to Good Girls Go Bad. One by one, participants started arriving until we were about to start. I can’t stop myself from searching the room and looking at the door… waiting if he is going to arrive. And when we were about to start, there he was, rushing through the door.

I sighed… then smiled.

The Newcomer

Posted in etc, lovelife, Personal, pozzie life with tags , , , , , , on September 23, 2010 by iamhivpositive

Rain drops started to fall from the sky one by one. I can almost hear every drop from the outside. In a few minutes, we are going to start and I’m preparing myself for this session. I closed my eyes and started to listen to my breathing…

In less than a minute after starting what I’m doing, I noticed that suddenly it became dark and can’t help but open my eyes. The ray of light from the door that usually touches my face during practice was covered by a silhouette of 2 people hugging. It was the teachers and a new comer. After their tight hug, the new comer scanned the room quickly with his eyes and caught mine. I smiled. It was my way of saying “welcome” to the class… I didn’t know if he smiled back as I got embarrassed and looked away. I felt my blood rushed to my face… was I red? I was…blushing.

And so the class started and all through out I was distracted. I wasn’t able to concentrate that day. How can this stranger have this effect on me? Why do I startle when I feel that he looks in my direction? My mind was a chaos… my heart was happy. I feel like my heart is being tickled. A tickle that unconsciously makes me smile and for sure anyone who would see me would think that I’m crazy.

I tried to get my head straight on… I think the teacher noticed my distraction that he goes to where I am and corrects what I’m doing. I didn’t mind him correcting me… I need it. I need someone to tell me to focus. Focus on what I’m doing and not focus on what he is doing. “FOCUS!” I told myself.

After almost 2 hours of sweating our butts off, we were ready to call it a day. I went to the loo and change my clothes. While changing, I stopped and looked in the mirror for awhile, I smiled. After almost 5 months, here I am… crushing over someone again… I continued with packing my stuff and after I finished I went out and wore my shoes. When everyone was ready, we all left together… while walking someone tapped my back, I wondered who it was and when I look back, it was him…

Crush

Posted in etc, lovelife, Personal, pozzie life, thoughts with tags , , , , on September 19, 2010 by iamhivpositive

I feel like I’m a teenager all over again…

Do you remember when you had a crush with someone at school?
When you try your best not to mess up whenever your crush around? When you try to hide your face when he smiles at you for him not to see your blushing?
When you always make an effort to look good to leave a nice impression?
When you make sure to read a lot so that you have something to talk about when he starts a conversation with you?
When you can’t sleep at night thinking what is he doing?
When you get kilig whenever he texts you?
and get sad when it’s the opposite…
When you ask that person a lot of questions about him to make sure you know every bit of information?
When you always smile out of nowhere when you think of that person?
When you are soo inspired to study/work because your happy?
When you are always soo looking forward to that day that you are going to see him….

haaayy…