Archive for saccl

6 Months after

Posted in HIV, Medical, Personal, pozzie life, thoughts with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 2, 2010 by iamhivpositive

At the start of November, I started waiting for a text from the SAGIP clinic of PGH. It has been six months already and it’s the time for my next CD4 test. 2 weeks have passed and still no text from my doctor or from the nurse so I decided to call them. Once I was put through to the clinic, the nurse told me that there are no available slots yet and they’ll just text me if there is a slot already. She asked for my number to double check if what they have on their chart is correct.

I sighed. I’m getting disappointed with how they are handling us their patients. But I tried to look at the bigger picture, it would really be difficult for them to schedule us since we are just sharing the machine from other “schools” (treatment hubs). And so I waited for another week until I can’t help myself and again gave them a ring.

The nurse told me that there is still no available slot for the CD4 test and that they are prioritizing the “baseliners” (first timers in taking their CD4 test). I felt… unimportant? So does that mean that since I am a second timer I should not be prioritized? My health is also at stake right?

She then asked me if I am willing to go RITM since there is more chance of me getting a schedule there. Even though that RITM is quite far from where I live, I said yes. I would rather travel far than wait for a schedule from SLH. It might be too late already before I get a schedule. And so after 2 days, I received a text message from the nurse telling me that I was scheduled Tuesday before 9am next week.

I woke up really early that day because I don’t want to be late. A friend asked me if I want to hitch a ride since he is also going to RITM that day. Lucky me considering all the trouble that I will be facing if ever I go there alone. I haven’t been to Alabang yet and I’m quite slow with directions. Hehehe.

We arrived early in RITM and so we decided to stay in the cafeteria first. The first thing I noticed about RITM is that it is isolated. It’s the only building, I think, in that area of Alabang. It was very quiet and there were a lot of trees that will give you a very calm feeling.

My friend went ahead and guided me to the clinic. He was greeted by the nurse I’ve been reading and hearing a lot, ate Anna. Her warm smile could really make you comfortable and homey. She asked me if I was with my friend and I said yes, she then asked me to sit beside her and got my recommendation letter. While she was reading the letter, she kept on telling me that life goes on… and I smiled.

Once again, my friend ushered me to the laboratory where they will have my blood extracted. The nurse who’s going to facilitate was quite young and I can tell that she is still a student. I smiled at her and told her not to make it hurtful. She smiled back. As expected, she had a hard time in extracting my blood since my veins easily pops (pumuputok) or as they say, “sumasayaw”. After roughly 15 minutes, I was on my way back to the clinic. I was happy that at last, I am done with my CD4 test all I need to worry now is just the result.

Wanna know my latest CD4 count….? From 759 6 months ago…. It’s now…. 795!!!!
Yehey!!!! I though that my CD4 is going to drop since I am not taking ARVs. But I was wrong, thanks to Centrum, Vit. E with Selenium, Poten Cee and most of all YOGA for boosting my CD4 up!

759!

Posted in Medical, Personal, pozzie life with tags , , , , on June 7, 2010 by iamhivpositive

It’s been 2 weeks already since I had my CD4 count test and until now nurse A still hasn’t texted me about the result. (wondering what cd4 is?  Here is a description from http://www.aids.about.com – Your immune system contains different types of cells that help protect the body from infection. One of these types of specialized cells are called the CD4 or T-cells. HIV attacks these types of cells and uses them to make more copies of HIV. And in doing so, HIV weakens the immune system, making it unable to protect the body from illness and infection.)  I remember that the nurse in SACCL mentioned that the result will be on Thursday the week after I had my test.  I started to become paranoid again, like the last time when I was waiting for my HIV screening result… I was thinking that maybe the reason why they are still not texting me is because my result is soo low that they are already formulating the strongest combination of medicines or ARV that will help me.

Another week had passed and still no text.  I was getting impatient.

And another week… it’s been a month already…. that weekend, I wasn’t able to help myself that I texted nurse A and Dr. R already and asked them if they already have the result… both of them, didn’t reply.  Great!  I’m already thinking of going to the clinic and ask them personally but I thought that that would be stupid if ever that the result is still really not there.  So, I didn’t have any choice but to wait.

Another day passed by and finally, I received a text from Dr. R telling me that he already has the result.  I felt like my heart suddenly want to escape from my chest… this is it…so I asked him what my CD4 count is… and he replied back with 759! I almost cried.  I want to jump and scream for joy… it was soo high.  (A person without HIV is said to have a normal CD4 count of 700-1500 while a pozzie should have 300-500, if it goes down to 300, you will be under medication through ARVs or retrovirals and will be considered to have AIDS. – I know, some of you are wondering how come my CD4 count is still high, this is possible because I don’t have any vice and it means that I have a stong immune system)P I thought that I have to take medications already… I replied back with thank you.  This was the best news that I received this past few months….

Text, Lunch and Lies

Posted in lovelife, Personal, pozzie life, thoughts with tags , , , , , , , , , on June 2, 2010 by iamhivpositive

Let him go…” this is the most common advice that I always get whenever I ask for an advice on what to do regarding my heart problem.  From my boss, to my colleagues to my friends… they want me to let go.  But I don’t want to…I love him.  I’d rather let him break up with me that me breaking up with him… it’s just too hard.  I can’t.

I’m still hoping…. hoping that we could still work this out.  That this is just a test in our relationship and that we will get through this… together, as a couple.  Besides being a medicine student, he is intelligent and caring and with that for sure he is going bounce back from what he is feeling right now.

Until that night, that night when doubt and curiosity ate my mind and I did something really wrong.  Knowing that babe regularly checks his emails.  I a “dummy” account in PlanetRomeo and messaged him.  Introduced who I was and told him that I find him interesting.  Of course, I just made up all the information and details that I told him.  It is my first time to do this and for no reason, I think I’m very good at it.  I slept that night very nervous as I know I did something really wrong and I was really praying that he will not reply.

A week had passed and I receive no reply from him until the second week.  He messaged back saying that he is sorry for not replying immediately since he seldom logs in in that site.  He also said that he is happily in a relationship and that he wanted that clear. I was relieved but was shock when I read the next part of his message.  He gave his ym address and his facebook account so that they could chat there and so that they could keep in touch.  I was saddened by this.  I didn’t get the point of giving your ym and personal email to someone whom you just knew… and in a gay site!  Anyhow, I continued acting and sent him an email in his personal e-mail account.

In my email, I asked him questions that I want to ask him as me, his boyfriend.   I asked him what is he doing in a gay site if he is happy in a relationship.  Though I also pretended that I was curious about his boyfriend and his interests.  Again, I slept that night with a very heavy heart.  I wanted to cry.

The next day, babe’s text became very very minimal.  He only texted me good morning.  I know this is very petty but with what I was feeling last night, I ended up texting him and confronting him.  That night, we talked over the phone and fight some more although it is in a diplomatic way… until the conversation concluded with having a cool off and we’ll just talk over the weekend since we are meeting anyways.  As I dropped the phone, I started to feel the pain… an excruciating pain… I wasn’t able to sleep that night and went to work like a zombie.

Saturday.  We decided to meet for lunch and for the first time, babe was in the restaurant first.  He was smiling.  I was thinking why is he smiling when this is already the end for us.  We ordered and while waiting for food he started to talk.  He handed me his phone and let me read a message.  It was a message meant for me.  In his message he told me that he loves me soo much and that he doesn’t want to break up with me.  I smiled.  I was happy.  After eating, he confessed that he logged on in PlanetRomeo.  I asked why.  He said that someone “interesting” sent him a message and that he got curious so he logged in to read it.  I felt like I was slapped.  Did he just say someone “interesting” in front of my face?  Continuing my acting, I pretended to be upset and curious so I asked what was his message.  He told me honestly.  Then I asked him if he replied, but before answering I told him that if ever he replied, I will really be upset but that will be ok as long as he tell me the truth.  And to my dismay, he lied.  He said, he didn’t replied.  I felt the pain again.  Like someone is stabbing my heart.  He was lying! I wanted to tell him the truth and slap it into his face.  But I composed myself and acted that it was all good so we ended the day happy… little did he know, I was bleeding inside.

I went home that day knowing already that anytime soon, we will break up.  And I have to prepare myself for that… and when that time comes, I don’t want to stop him… like what they said, I have to let him go…

Hello SACCL!

Posted in Medical, Personal, pozzie life with tags , , , , , , on June 1, 2010 by iamhivpositive

I’m starting to become impatient while waiting for “nurse a” to give me my schedule for my CD4 count test until today (April 13, 2010).  She texted me that the one who is supposed to be scheduled the next day will not be able to attend and if I would like to take his slot.   If ever I decided to go, I would need to file a leave or at least move my shift.  My office mates are already wondering why I’m always on leave and my excuse is always “I have an appointment with my doctor“.  So I replied to nurse a that I won’t be able to go if it is already tomorrow.  She texted back that it is ok.

After a week, she texted me that another pozzie will not be able to go to his scheduled CD4 test and if I would like to take it again.  My shift that week is still in the afternoon so I said I think it will be alright.  She then told me the details and it will be in RITM in Alabang.  If I will still go to Alabang, I don’t think I will be able to arrive on time back here in Makati for work so I told nurse a that it is quite far from where I am and I’m not familiar with Alabang.  I think she got irate already and texted me “so kelan ka ba pwede? tsaka saan mu ba gusto? 2 lang naman pagpipilian mu, RITM or SACCL.  Kailangan na natin kasi makuha yang CD4 count mu e.”  so I apologetically replied with “SACCL na lang po, pasensya na po ha?  Nahihiya na po kasi ako magfile ng leave e.”  Then she replied with a very cold “k”.  I smiled.

2 weeks after, she texted me again and told me that she has my schedule already which is on May 4 at 830am, she also told me to go to the clinic first and pick up my referral letter.  I arrived in the SAGIP clinic of PGH at exactly 8am.  However the clinic was still closed, and nurse a was still not there so I waited.  I texted her informing that I’m already there and what time is she going to arrive.  She replied that she is on her way.   When she arrived she immediately called my name and handed me my referral letter and I zoomed off to San Lazaro.

Since I know that it’s going to be a struggle looking for SACCL (thanks to positibo.wordpress.com for the head’s up) so when I got to San Lazaro, I immediately asked a nurse for directions and I was able to locate it without any trouble.  An old lady outside the clinic told me that we are not yet allowed to go inside since the nurse went out and accompanied someone to the lab.  I smiled back at her said thanks and sat down outside the clinic.  After a few minutes of waiting, a guy wearing black arrived.  He was tall and has a fair to white complexion and he was wearing shades.  It is very obvious that he was uneasy since he keeps walking back and forth while, like us, waiting for the nurse.  The nurse arrived and let us in.  I was 3rd in the queue.  Luckily, the first 2 patients just asked something from the nurse and left the clinic immediately so it was finally my turn.  I told the nurse my purpose and she smiled at me.  She was soo nice and pleasant.  She then asked me if there is anyone with me from PGH.  I told her I was alone.  She said she is expecting 5 patients from PGH but nurse a didn’t tell me anything about that so I just said sorry for not being able to help.

She asked the patients waiting outside if there is still anyone for CD4 test and the guy wearing black stormed in the clinic and said that he was asked by his doctor from Pampanga to look for a certain doctor in SACCL.  The guy handed his referral letter to the nurse and the nurse informed her that his doctor is not in that day but she can help him.  Apparently he is also for CD4 testing.  The nurse asked her to fill out something and asked him to give it back to her once he was done which he did.  The nurse then asked if he is going to pay for his CD4 or will be under the Global Health fund.  I think he got confused as he answered in a very loud voice “if it’s for HIV screening I’m done with it, that’s why I’m here…”  I think the nurse was scandalized because she asked him if he could speak a little bit softer so that no one else could hear except us.  She then repeated her question and this time, he was able to answer it correctly.

The nurse led us to the lab for blood extraction and asked us to wait as she calls the person who is going to do it.  While waiting, the guy asked me if we are going to do the same test.  I said yes.  He then asked If I’m from Manila, I said yes then there was silence.  The nurse came back and asked us to follow her.  The guy wearing black went first.  He was really scared, he was sweating while the blood was being taken from him.  Once his done the nurse asked her to go back to the clinic because he still needs to do something.  I saw the guy sat down shaking and he was very pale.  I was quite shocked since he is a tall man and has a huge built.  After mine was taken, I was instructed that I can go home now and they will just forward my result to PGH.  I walked passed by the guy and he was looking at me very sadly.  I think he felt more scared when I left… I just closed my eyes and hoped for the best for our results….

Pozzie Blogs

Posted in etc, Personal, pozzie life, thoughts with tags , , , , , on May 29, 2010 by iamhivpositive

I woke up early this morning and decided to surf the net and look for other pozzie blogs (now I know that the term “pozzie” is used to someone like me, a person that is HIV+)…  I started with http://www.positibo.wordpress.com since that is the first blog I stumbled on a month ago when I was looking for directions on how to go to SACCL.  From his site, I checked other pozzie blogs from his blogroll.  I was very happy reading other pozzie blogs, it made me more realise that yes, I still have a life to live… and a good and healthy one.

I honestly thought that I can no longer date and that no one would actually accept, but after reading their blogs… I realised I was wrong.  I underestimated other negative people who can actually accept and be broad minded about HIV.

I messaged some of the pozzie’s and invited them to read my blog, I also thank them for giving me strength to face what I have… I haven’t told my friends about my situation cause I am scared of their reactions that’s why I am happy to see that there are a lot of people like me in the net to whom I can actually talk to and seek for an advice…