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Camera Show

Posted in etc, lovelife, Personal, pozzie life, thoughts with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , on June 30, 2010 by iamhivpositive


We have different venues on how to release “it”.  My way might be different from yours but in one point, we have to let it out.  I agreed.

A new friend and I were talking over the phone when I suddenly heard the new message alert from Planet Romeo in his background.  I thought, wtf?!?  Yes, we are JUST friends but he has been very vocal about seeing me as a potential partner and after 2 weeks of our almost daily conversation, I’m starting to like him.  That’s why I am not surprised on my reaction when I heard that he has a new message and he just casually continued our conversation as if nothing happened.  But my mood is already ruined, I told him I was really tired and I put down the phone.

We have a lot in common though sometimes, we have little discussion about our beliefs.  Most of the time, we talk about our life as pozzies, our families, our problems, our lovelife, our sex life and what help the government should provide the vampire community.  We would talk for more than 2 hours and would just say goodbye if we are already really sleepy.  And slowly, I look forward to each phone call and conversation we have.  As you can see, I easily get attach to people who showers me with their attention…. to people who make me feel I am important to them.

He messaged me in YM asking me to call back again.  He still wants us to talk some more.  But I’m no longer in the mood to talk that’s why I refused his offer.  Plus the fact that I just arrived from the gym and I was really tired.  He started teasing me that I immediately made “tampo” just because someone messaged him in Planet Romeo.  Yes, I was that obvious that even without me telling, he was able to immediately figure it out.  I honestly replied that yes, I was surprised but I also told him that he is free to do anything he wants since he is single.  I also told him that I realised how childish I was by the way I reacted and that I shouldn’t have done that.  He continued to explain anyway, he said that he doesn’t meet up with anyone that he meet in that site.  He just have cam2cam sessions with them.  He already told me this before during our usual phone conversations… but after telling me that he considers me to be a partner, I somewhat assumed that he will stop these kind of activities.  I told him what I think about it and he answered me that I should understand why he is doing this since we are both poz.  Honestly, I don’t see anything wrong with it, it’s just that I thought it’s going to be different… since he said that he likes me.  

He then started asking me about my ways on how I release it.  I told him it’s with my ever loyal left hand, lol.  And he told me that it is no different from what he is doing since I imagine having sex with someone or I watch porn and imagine that as if the porn star was making out with me.  And I battled it out with him by explaining why I think watching porn is different with having cam to cam with someone.  It doesn’t involve a human being who can respond… I don’t know if your getting what I’m trying to say…  and so we discussed about it until I asked him that If ever that we are going to be in a relationship, if he can manage to stop it.  He said he can’t tell because he was never in that situation. 

I surrendered, I told him that honestly, I would like to know him more but I don’t think I can accept it if ever that we are together and he would keep doing the same thing.  He said that love can never be developed over the phone and I agreed.  I told him that I’m not saying that i love him, I made it clear that I am starting to like him.  

Honestly, I don’t know why I am posting this entry… maybe because I’m sad that the romance already ended… or maybe not… I don’t know…

A Christmas Carol

Posted in lovelife with tags , , , , , , , , on May 13, 2010 by iamhivpositive

Our first movie date

It was a very lazy evening so I decided to surf the net.  Yes, when I say surf the net, it includes checking gay social networking sites and checking my mails… and males!

Whilst browsing, a pop up box appeared on my screen telling me that I have a new message and if  I want to read it.  Of course, I clicked yes and read through the senders message.  The sender was asking me how was my evening and he also complimented me with my looks. =)  I replied by saying it was a very boring night.   He then replied back by asking me if I want to watch a movie that night.  As bored as I was, I said yes.

We decided to meet up in a shopping centre near our area, it was almost 9’ish and the mall is about to close.  Good thing I was able to arrive in the meeting place before the security of the mall prevents people from coming in.  I waited for a few minutes because the sender was still not there.  After a while, there is this cute chinky tall guy who approached me and if I was —-.  I gave him a smile and I said yes, then followed him to the ticket booth.   While walking, there were lots of things in my mind.  He looks better in person than in the picture.  He is medium built, tall and has a fair complexion.  He also looks well educated.  He asked me what movie do I want to see and I just told him any.  He then suggested if we could watch A Christmas Carol since it is his favourite novel since childhood and of course I agreed.  Since it was already late, we are going to watch the last full show and we still have approximately an hour to spare before the movie starts.

He asked me if I would like to go to his pad first since he lives in the condominium in that mall as well.  I said yes thinking that this will be our chance to do a little bit of hanky panky.  His pad is very cozy, it was very welcoming and calming as far as I can remember.  We sat in the couch and we just chatted, yes, we JUST chatted.  I think it’s because I like him that’s why I don’t want to do things that would turn him off and not ask for a second meet up.  Also, I don’t want for him to think that I’m easy.  Before we went to the cinema again, I decided to atleast give him a hug and it send chills to my spine.

In the cinema, I wasn’t really focusing in the movie, my attention was all in him.  Any slight movement  that he makes, I look at him.  Thinking that he might want to kiss me or hold my hands while watching.  The movie was about to finish by the time that we actually held hands, he looked at me and he smiled.  Again, I felt chills.  When the movie ended,  I decided to go home but he asked me if  I would want to stay in his pad for a few minutes since it was still quite early, it was already 11:30 that time.

Once again, we sat in their couch and talked but this time, our hands are together and we can feel that we are really into each other.   We talked about our lives, our past, what type of guys do we date and so forth.  I decided to leave already when he mentioned that he still has a class the next day and I have work.  I decided to give him a smack on the lips in which he replied.

As I was on the cab going home, I knew that that night, was definitely a good night.